This Mommy's Journey

Thank you sir, may I have another?

2011-03-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

So between then and now has been a roller coaster. There's been concern, a birth, more concern, moving, and PPD.
I'll start with the moving. Shortly after my son was born, we decided to move to a bigger place. Our current lease was up and they were raising the rent. I found a place a couple towns over, same price, more than twice the room. However, I'm packing and moving and cleaning alone. With a newborn. No stress there.

Now with the pregnancy stuff. I knew while pregnant that things just didn't feel right. The last trimester was difficult. The baby was measuring big and they were talking 10+ lbs and possible c-section. I was having dreams of having a dead baby.

I know it's normal to feel stressed about child birth, but I'd never had dreams like this before. I kept telling the doctors that something wasn't right but everything looked fine and I was dismissed.

At 36 weeks, my water broke. When Mark was born, the cord was wrapped around his neck and he'd been having massive decelerations prior to being born. The nurses and midwife were in a very concerned state, but not panicking. They were very concerned and forcing me into purple pushing to get him out more quickly. When he was born..he was blue...no, not blue, he was so blue he looked like a grayish-black...and then...he didn't breathe. I was terrified. Thankfully with some brisk(read rough) stimulation, he caught his breath and pinked up. He was a healthy 7lbs 7oz at 4 weeks early. Can you imagine what I would have faced with another 4 weeks? How tight his cord would have gotten as he'd plumped up? The midwife couldn't even slip it over his head, it was so tight. She had to turn the baby to untangle him.

After giving birth, Edwin informed me that he'd also been having dreams of still birth. Don't tell me that there isn't foresight. We knew what was up. I wish doctors would listen to intuition more. We know when something's wrong with our bodies.

When Mark Alejandro was born(see picture):

He quickly jaundiced.

see how yellow he is?

We waited and waited but his levels just kept rising. He eventually had to be on formula and under a bili light because he had breast milk jaundice. This was following having to have formula because he was premie and it was "the rules". That's a rant for another day.

So, after all that time on formula, my milk died off. I'm hanging by a thread right now, he's mostly bottle fed, and once again, I am a failure at nursing. Go me. Three times. Gotta be some kind of record. *sigh*

Once we got the jaundice cleared up, I started noticing that I wasn't doing so great. In fact, I was doing terribly. I was having rages that would leave me shaking for hours. I had less than no patience for the kids. My husband had suddenly morphed into the stupidest man alive, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I kept telling myself it would get better, it always did. It was the sleep depravation, it was the exhaustion, it was the hormones.... After 2 weeks, I wasn't doing any better.. after 4 I was thinking of new and creative ways to commit suicide. I couldn't breathe half the time and my heart rate was erratic. The smallest thing would leave me with a panic attack and crying.

I had up times. Times where I almost felt normal. One of those times was at my 6 week check up. I reported I was feeling fine.. A few days later...I was far from fine. I need help. Now, if only we could afford it.

The birth and subsequent medical issues Mark has had has left us with a large debt to be paid. Our insurance is less than great and most everything comes out of our own pockets(what do we pay them for again?). I can't see going to talk to someone when we can't afford the debt we currently have.

So I put my head down and I plow through. What choice do I have? I hope that we'll soon be able to afford me seeing someone, but in the mean time I focus on things that give me pause about self harm...not the least of which is, I don't have a will. Where will Lori go? Obviously the boys can stay with their Dad, but who takes Lori? Do I really want George to raise her? He's barely got his shit together with his current family..how would throwing Lori in there work? So, I remind myself during dark moments and power through.

One day, the light will come back. It always does. Depression isn't new for me. Until then, I take the joy where I can find it and barrel through another day hoping tomorrow will be better.

2nd trimester

2010-07-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

Baby and I are good. The kids are starting to get excited about the coming baby.

Edwin, David, and I went to Ikea yesterday and looked at the baby stuff. David wanted to help pick the crib, which made me very happy. He's getting onboard!

Lori has spent her birthday with her Dad, and is supposed to stay the week but she's giving attitude and driving her step mom crazy, so we'll see how it goes :(

Michelle is off with her Aunt for the next 3 weeks. It's nice to have some down time with just one kiddo.

Not much else is new. Slow life.

Week 7

2010-06-01T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'm 7 weeks pregnant as of today.

So far it's been pretty easy. Things are going well so far. Have my first appointment on the 10th.

I think I'm working on a bladder infection. That does not excite me at all.

I am holding my breath until the first trimester is over. Then I'll go REALLY crazy. :)

I seem to be having some pretty gnarly blood sugar issues. I have to eat every couple hours or I get irritable, shaky, nauseated, and dizzy. Fun at every turn.

But all in all it's been easy so far. Only thrown up once. I am tired a lot but not daily. It comes and goes. Some days are great, others I wish the kids could do their own thing all day so I could sleep.

See?! There's good reason for having large gaps between children!

The kids are doing well. David is getting tall. Still can't say his R's. Still w's. "Pawents" "Lowi" Kinda cute honestly.

Lori's almost done with this year of school, she's excited to start summer. Not sure what we'll do this summer but we have some thoughts. Do some fun "stay-cation" type stuff. Local camping, day trips to local places. Can have fun on a budget, right?

What doesn't suck.

2010-05-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

1) My children laughing..over anything. Especially my youngest as he's some how/somewhere picked up putting his head down on his arm and slamming his other fist on the table when he laughs. It's adorable.

2) Watching my children discover new things. It's like learning all over again.

3) Watching my favorite shows while relaxing after a long day. I love me time.

4) Good times with good friends.

5) Knowing that I have an amazing husband at the end of each day.

6) Explaining my family to other people. It sounds so much worse than it is.

7) Having a net to catch me when I fail. It happens more often than I'd like.

What doesn't suck for you?

A career?

2010-04-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

Today I'm wondering if I should get a career. I feel like I should be doing more. It's been 10 years since high school and while I have 2 beautiful children I feel like I want to do more.

I've been considering for some time the prospect of being a midwife. I want to help women have successful safe births. I've been called a little militant about hospital births and I guess that true on some level.

Hospital creates a worse case scenerio and intervenes in ways that create more problems than they solve. Women have been birthing with only other women to help forever. Even in current society, Europe relys almost exclusively on midwives for non-complex births. They still vaginally deliver breech and multiples. There are so many unnesscary c-sections.

But do I become direct entry or a nurse-midwife? Do I instead just be a doula and help women who birth in the hospital?

Choices.

I have to decide.

Opinions?

Life continues on

2010-04-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

So we've been super busy moving into our new place(pictures to come probably) and getting into the swing of things after spring break and spring week.

We're almost unpacked...well, we have less boxes to unpack than when we started. I hate unpacking when there's not enough space. I feel like if I just tried harder I could find a home for everything but the facts are that there simply isn't enough room!

Edwin and I have been discussing hanging pictures for, well, two weeks now. We've yet to do it. I started doing it on my own but they were slightly crooked and Edwin was all "blah blah blah deposit, holes, haveyoulostyoureverlovinmind?!" so I gave up until he can help.

You see, Edwin has a system. He holds the picture against the wall with a level to make sure it's straight, then has me mark the corners, then he takes it down and measures the distance from the top of the frame to the nail holder-thingy. Measure twice nail once. Generally it means that the pictures hang perfectly without making many holes only centimeters apart(my method).

As you can tell, that's a totally lame way to hang a photo. What is hanging pictures without worrying about if that new hole will hold above the old one?! It's all about the risk.

So, we haven't done that. Probably because in our last place we were on the phones with divorce lawyers before it got done. We have VERY different views on it and each of us may or may not be ever so slightly crazy control freak-y. Possibly..it's been mentioned a couple times by various ~~crackpots~~ friends.

The children are loving the new place and seem to barely remember the old one. It's probably the indoor pool.

We also got a new cat name Mojo Thunder. He's quiet large. About 16lbs. He's between 7-10 and a sweety. He's got a mind of his own but is pretty good with the kids. He leaves before he scratches. Our biggest challange has been David wanting to play fighting games with the cat.. Apparently a 3year old with a foam sword rushing you is scarry to kitty. Go figure!

I just got back from helping a family friend through some tough times. She's early in her pregnancy and was on bedrest for a week following some spotting. It seemed to be adhesions from her c-section 9 years ago, but better safe than sorry. She was also having some emotional stuff so I stayed to keep her company and help her with her kids. While the circumstances were less than ideal, it was fun.

Ok, I should go finish my house work so that the house doesn't totally come crashing down. Perhaps unpack some more pesky boxes.

Not Dead

2010-03-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead. I know I've been MIA but packing and moving in 3 weeks is not an easy thing. We finally have closed out the old house and turned in the keys this morning.

Our apartment is working out well. It's crowded with boxes right now but it's slowly coming together. Just have to put in the time to make it perfect. Not to mention the storage, or lack there of.

We have downsized a ton, but may need to do more.

Will provide pics and more info soon..

Apartment living

2010-02-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

To conserve money we're considering going back to apt. living. We could save a couple hundred dollars in rent plus save on utilities. We could use that money to pay down our debt and be that much closer to where we want to be. The only pause we have is that we HATE apt. living! I mean....HATE IT.

But, it would be for just a short while. We'll have to downsize some of our stuff, but that needs to be done anyway. It's hard to see a down side when the short term won't be too bad and the long term goals will be met.

Plus, it's less area for me to clean!

My first cake!

2010-02-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

I made my first cake from scratch today! I also made macaroni and cheese from scratch! I made fried chicken as well. I think MAYBE the cake will turn out ok. The cheese and chicken left something to be desired. Learning experience I guess. Hoping to do more scratch cooking but good lord it's time consuming and messy.. I'm in denial about my kitchen.

Thankfully today was a better day. Lori seems to have moved past the whining stage. She spent her day doing school work because it's preferable to doing nothing. So she's catching up! and she is not a pain anymore! I hope hope hope hope this continues.

Like a bowl of spagetti that never gets eaten

2010-02-09T14:58:00.000-08:00

That's what my 8 year old daughter told me. She was in a snit about her life. It sucks. No one has it worse. She has to DO THINGS before she can go outside to play, she has to do school work every day, she has to do her own laundry, she has to do her punishment for the full amount of time given. AWFUL!!!! She says "My life is just like a bowl of spagetti that never gets eaten!!"

I just don't know what her problem is. I swear, recently she's been so freaking moody that I'd swear she's going to start her period. Drives me crazy. I know that she's just doing what all kids do. You know, your parents are the meanest and eating your vegtables will kill you and doing chores is the worst.

Some days I just want to run away. She says she's convinced I'm going to get mad and strangle her. *DISCLAIMER* I've never hurt her or put my hands on her. I don't know what her deal is. I just know that it makes living with her difficult.

The End

Oh please don't let this be Griswold worthy

2010-01-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

We've planned our family vacation for this year. We've got the dates set, the activities planned, and all the last minute crisises that inevitably pop up when things seem perfect.

This year, in April(on Edwin's birthday no less) we're going to Alabama to see my family. Yes, I'm from Alabama. No, I don't speak with an accent. Yes, I wore shoes to school. Any other questions?

All kidding aside, my family there can be ~~difficult~~ ~~annoying~~ interesting. As it is, we're apparently flying into TANTRUM 2010 as my father and his parents aren't seeing eye to eye. Again.

Last time I was there visiting, nearly eight years ago, I ended up being basically asked to leave my grandparents house because of my dad. It was a mess, largely started by my father, that resulted in me getting the brunt of the difficulty.

This time, I'm going prepared. I'll have a back up plan and a no-nonsense attitude. Those of you who know me in real life know that right now, I'm lying to myself.

How is it family is the master at minupulation? They always seem to know exactly what to push to get what they want. That's not to say that I'm guilt free, I've been told I minupulate, mine just isn't concious like other peoples. I don't set out to do it.

Going home to Alabama raises some interesting issues. I love the enviorment and atmosphere and charm of the south, I just don't especially like my immediate family. Well, that's not true, I just don't like SOME of my immediate family. There's always a few who stir things up.

This time we're going down for a week and we'll be going to the AWESOME aquarium in Chattanooga, Tennessee. My father took me there once before and I remember being in awe of it! I know the kids will love it. The plan is then to stay in a local motel for the night, then drive the couple hours to Huntsville, AL for a little something special for Edwin. He dreamed of becoming an astronaut as a child. This will be an awesome exerpience for him as well as the kids. The rest of the time, we'll likely stay visiting family. I'm eager to introduce my husband to my family and show him where I grew up.

I want to show the kids fire ants(notice SHOW not introduce!) and hopefully avoid chiggers. Using mason jars to catch fireflies in the evenings. The things that I fondly recall from childhood. I want them to have a memory of my grandparents and all their awesomness. Because, with kids, they're awesome.

We'll see how things pan out, hopefully drama free as this is our ONLY vacation, but with family, you never know. Just ask Clark Griswold.

Another year without you

2010-01-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Some of us are fortunate enough to know someone who's a genuinely good person. Who doesn't seem to have a selfish bone in his body or ill word for anyone. I knew someone. He was a good man and a gentle soul. It wasn't a mask or pretend, he just was. His name was "Tex". He was over 6 feet tall and skinny, but was a teddy bear none the less.

He was a best friend and would have one day been a great husband and father. He had a softer spot than most for children and animals. When he left school he joined the Army. I know that seems to contradict everything I've said about him, but he did it so he could help people. He told "Jessi, this way I can help all over the world."

While in the Army he met a woman who had a child. He fell madly in love with her. Perhaps just in love with her child. We'll never know.

They married and seemed happy. He was over the moon to have an instant family. He loved her little boy just as if he were his own.

A few months after they got married, Tex came down to visit as he was stationed the next state over. He mentioned that he was having some marital troubles and suspected his new bride might be cheating. We were not surprised because we had not thought them a good match. He had been firm so we had supported him in his happiness. He was concerned about what to do, about how it would effect his new son. We encouraged marriage counseling and perhaps divorce. He said he'd talk with her and think it over.

After that weekend we said our goodbyes and parted ways. The next day we received a phone call asking if Tex was still with us. He'd never arrived home and never reported back from leave. We called hospitals, police, anyone we knew in between our home and his. No one knew where Tex was.
We wrung our hands and searched on our own in known places. Two days later we got a phone call from police. Tex had been found dead by some hikers. He'd driven up to a favorite camping spot and killed himself in his car. His car had been littered with religious brochers, from churches in the area, explaining what happens after death. There had also been a note. To his wife, his friends, and his son. He had felt it was better this way.

The Army held a nice funeral for him and his wife brought her lover to the funeral. She left before it was completely over. Tex's parents were devastated. The loss of their son and the cold distance from his wife during their grief.

When Tex's grandmother stood up to speak of him, she said a life times worth in just a few sentences. Her closing was "I can't believe he's gone. My gentle giant is gone." That line still brings tears to my eyes. It was so him. He was a gentle giant.

Our gentle giant has been gone 8 years today. I miss him just as keenly now as I did then. He's left a hole that will never heal and never be filled.

Sean Michael "Tex" Smith. You lived with honor and kindness. The world should strive to be more like you.

All of us, having fun about 6 months before he died. From right to left we have: Ian, Anthony, me(sitting), Sean(standing), Emily(sitting), Sharron(standing), and Chad. Behind the camera is Holly.

Starving artist

2010-01-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a book. I can see the concept in my head. I know exactly how I want it to look and what I want it to say. I made some great starts in the book formatting last night. I had the 'bones' of it put together and when I went to save, the program crashed and hours of work was lost. I was beyond furious.

Thankfully Edwin has been super supportive. He's very behind the idea and thinks it will be great.

The start up cost is prohibitive. We're going to have to be stealthy with the budget to do what I want to do.

I'm so thankful that I've got a supportive family who's willing to bend over backwards to facilitate my dream.

Christmas Pictures(FINALLY!)

2010-01-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

Everyone had a great Christmas, even if it took me a month to post the photos. :-)

Life or something like it

2010-01-12T16:14:00.000-08:00

Getting back into the swing of life has been difficult. With the holiday break and the loss of a pregnancy my schedule has been lacking.

We are doing well, healing, making no decisions. Just taking life as it comes. Of course, if we decided to make a decision, every one has an opinion. I've gotten more unsoliciated advice about whether to concive again than I did about being pregnant. Everyone knows best.

But, that's life, that's people. Well intentioned I'm sure but unappreciated.

The kids had a good Christmas and break. Getting back on schedule has been difficult for them.

Lori got her hair cut short after a long time of fighting about bathing and grooming. Plus, she kept getting food in it, but wouldn't wear it back. So now it's in a type of pixie and she's much happier with it. Have to cut David's because he is starting to look like a q-tip head. All poof on top of a skinny body.

Time is flying by. Lori and Michelle are going to be 9 this year!! David will be 4. 4!!!! How the heck did I end up with a 9 and 4 year old?!

Sometimes, life seems to fly by in the blink of an eye.

Changes

2010-01-12T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to change my template and am failing miserably. I'm so irritated at blogger I'm ready to throw something. Please stand by.

Not much to say

2009-12-28T23:36:00.001-08:00

Not much to say lately. Having some emotional healing right now. Will post some pictures of the kids from Christmas soon.

Christmas Tree(otherwise known as not my fault)

2009-12-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

Today the family and I went to get a tree.

After using a small fake tree the last few years I insisted on a real tree for this one. David is old enough to enjoy all of it.

So we went to a local farm about 10 miles away from us and it had SO many trees. Most of the other farms around here had small lots, but this one was huge! It was family owned and there were giant St. Brenards. They also had an old fashioned train set the kids could drive. The kids were in love with the place. Unfortunately it was also -400 outside. It was SO cold. Numb hands, faces, toes. Frozen ground. It was sunny but COLD!

After tromping around for ~~eliventybillion years~~ an hour or better we found what seemed like the perfect tree...except it was 10ft tall..so then we found a less perfect tree that was shorter. So by then, the kids were frozen and whining, and so we chopped it down and had the guy help us haul it to the shaker and bailer. After sending it through the bailer(baler?) it was HUGE compared to the other trees waiting to be claimed. I looked at Edwin and he looked at me. We got the tag and found out it was 8 feet tall! So...that 10fter we bypassed was probaly much larger.

We payed for it and then went to put it and those crabby kids in the car. When what to my wondering eyes does appear? A tiny toddler holding protest at the trunk in the rear. Ok, that's cheesy, but it did happen. My 3 year old son declared that under no circumstances was that tree coming home with us. It needed to go back in the field right now! So we put him in his carseat and tried putting our large tree in the trunk. I say tried because we failed. It was wider than our trunks opening. So after some fighting and doubt, I tied it to the roof.

Edwin of course was still annoyed I'd talked him into such a large tree and continued to expound on the largeness all the way home. Probably next Christmas he'll require we get one off a lot or go back to our 4 1/2ft fake one. Oh well, it's worth it!

We got it home in one piece and cut the stump and stuck it in the holder. Then we bought more lights, because an 8ft tall 5ft wide tree needs a lot of lights. By this evening the tree was sparsly decorated and all lit up. I say sparsly because we just don't have enough to cover this tree. It's just an excuse to make decorations. I plan to make a paperchain and a popcorn chain as well as printing out some pictures to make ornaments. We'll fill the tree in no time.

So, after putting it up and joking about cutting the baling(bailing?) being a sceen from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Thankfully it happened in a less dramatic fashion.

We have to find a tree topper but otherwise we're done. Thank goodness!

The best part of an adult christmas

2009-12-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Today I turned the Pandora station to Christmas Music and dug up the box of decorations. I was surprised, as I am every year, that I only have a single box of decor. I mean, really?? We need to get with the family making homemade decorations thing.

So as I'm unpacking the box, I'm hanging things. Pretty much putting them up in the same order they came down. So the first thing to go up is my tinsel and multicolored light strand that I wrap around our banister every year.

This year, David is old enough to get into christmas. He watched my drag it out and plug it in so I could begin replacing bulbs and untangling it. He instantly fell in love. He declared them "his colors" and that he loved them. He just stands looking at them like they're the best thing ever.

When I set up our tiny fake tree with it's lights, he had a similar response. He came downstairs and gasped and pointed "What's that?!"

I love this stage. When they start noticing all the pretty lights and decorations that go up this time of year. I wish I could have kids forever just to repeat this stage. Where christmas and birthdays become something they 'get'.

I've got plans for making ornaments this year with the kids. Perhaps we'll make several and send them to grandparents. Who doesn't want a felt covered picture decoration? I know that the time I have to do things like this with the kids is limited. So this year, I hope to do it all. Gingerbread houses, baking cookies for Santa, making ornaments, ect.

I want my children to have warm fuzzy memories about xmas and family time like I do of my childhood. There are many things I can't give my children, especially this year, but I can give them happy memories and love. And at the end of the day, that's what matter most.

Embarrassment and writing well

2009-11-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

So Mrs. Flinger is hosting a challenge called {W}rites of Passage. Because I'm SO qualified, I thought I'd take the challenge. At the very least it'll get me posting, right?

So today's challenge is Embarrassing Moments. I'll have to reach some because I rarely embarrass myself. It's not like I'm clumsy like the day is long or say things that I shouldn't. I'd never do anything like that.

Now, after some digging I remembered dumping tomato soup on my lovely new white blue jeans. I remember some period horror in Jr. High.

By far though my most embarrassing memory is being busted for being where I shouldn't. I was a teen, though barely, and Jo, my best friend in the whole wide world, was two years older.

As an adult, two years isn't a huge deal, but as a teen? HUGE. FREAKING. DEAL. Not to mention I had a big ol' crush on her older brother.

So, back to the story. I got permission from my father to stay the night with my best friend, Jo, but was told to go directly to her house(two blocks away) and call when I got there. Well I got there and Jo suggested going to a popular teen hang out where the owners were lax about the rules. They would look the other way while we played the juke box, played pool, and smoked. The ultimate of cool at that age. Of course, we headed directly there.

Anyone catch what I forgot to do?? Oh yeah, call my father.

So after hanging out and rocking out to Black Velvet, I see my father drive by. I immediately left my perch on the bar stool and slunk to the ground. Nothing suspicious about that right?

In walks my father, with my little brother in tow, and he spots me and stomps across the room.

Now, at this point, I'll tell you that my father was a police officer. He no longer worked there, but he was remembered. Everyone gave him a wide berth. He came over and yelled "ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?!" To which I replied "No, I dropped...my purse. See?" Holding up the purse that hadn't left my shoulder all night. He yanked me up so fast my teeth slammed together and threw me over his shoulder.

At this point, the floor could have opened up and swallowed me at any point, and that'd have been fine with me. But no, life doesn't work that way. I glanced up to see Jo wave bye and the oh-so-hot brother and his oh-so-hot friends laughing at me.

I'm actually feeling a little embarrassed right now just remembering. I never went back there or forgot to call my father ever again. Not that I was let out of his sight for ages, but you know, once I could, I called without fail. Lesson learned, Dad, lesson learned.

A Weekend Adventure

2009-11-16T21:37:00.000-08:00

This last weekend we went to Edwin's mothers to visit. My nephew Joey was in town so we let the cousins play together.

My previously tense relationship with my MIL has eased remarkably. We're actually bordering on friends. I don't know what changed but I'm not going to look the gift horse in the mouth.

I was still suffering from a cold this weekend, had a wicked cough. So after not sleeping all Saturday night, I got up and took some Nyquil. When I looked at the clock on my way back to bed I saw it was 6am! Flippin' daylight savings! So I slept and slept and stumbled around drunk, and slept some more. I was out of it ALL day.

The kids had a blast together which was nice. They always enjoy one another's company. They ran around and made the house sound like it was full of elephants so I'm sure MIL and her dog were glad when everyone left.

Lori's been doing her new school for a week and seems to like it so far. She's doing well I think but I'll cop to not fully getting it in the minute details but hope to find the rest out as I go. Still have some tutorials to go through.

The holidays are rapidly approaching and I have no plans in place. Thanksgiving will be just another day. Perhaps we'll get REAL festive and get chinese take out.

Today I heard that there was flood watch and wind advisory for our town. The first thing that struck me? A song. "It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...." Pacific Northwest winter you are a predictable bitch.

Sickness and the broken couch

2009-11-11T11:21:00.000-08:00

So today I'm feeling much better, but to put that in perspective yesterday I laid on the couch and made Lori help with David. And of course by "help" I mean do it all. I was one sick puppy. The kids had sandwiches for lunch and dinner because Edwin was at work. Today I'm slowly putting the house back to rights. A single sick day for mom means a destroyed house. Thus far I've caught up on dishes(you wouldn't think there'd be so many since there was no cooking) swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed, and put the slip cover back on our couch after washing it.

Which brings up the second part of this title. When I lifted up the couch to secure the slip cover I saw a HUGE crack down the middle of our front support in our couch. So now we have to try and find a new one. *sigh* Don't know how we'll do that.

See?? One day with Mom off the clock and the whole house falls apart.

So I have to go back to cleaning the house up and child wrangling but thought I'd update since I hadn't in forever.

The rest of the costumes

2009-10-30T22:45:00.001-07:00

Done, all done! Thank heavens. Kids look cute, I'm proud of my work. And I'll post pics of the post sugar high tomorrow!

Halloween she is a comin'

2009-10-25T22:19:00.001-07:00

Halloween is almost here. Got two of my three costumes done. Here's David's. Need to take photo's of Lori's and started on Michelle's. I never want to sew again. I'm loving the creativity of it but it's exhausting. At least the kids look stinkin' cute!

Back in the saddle

2009-10-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

Back on my pills after stopping for a week. Man, that was a rough week. So angry. So, clearly going to have to stay on these forever. That's a hard realization.

In other news, I got to see the cutest little cousin EVER! Wish I had a picture to post(hint hint mom).

So, I'm surfing the web while I SHOULD be sewing. I cleaned the house pretty well the other day so that's less of a concern but Halloween is coming fast and I have 3 costumes to sew! And a table runner. Ugh! I need a tv in my sewing room so I can sew my fingers.. sheesh..

So, to recap: need pills, am procrastinating, cute expanding family, queen of bad ideas.

Of pills and delusions

2009-10-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've had depression my entire life. I've done therapy for YEARS without getting better. I'm still over anxious, still sure everyone is looking at me and judging me. Everything said is a criticism. But mostly and most difficult to deal with is the sadness..no not sadness, hopelessness. Depression is, for me at least, a vast sea of hopelessness.

Its nothing I can swim through, climb out of. It's all encompassing and drowns me. I'll pull myself out of bed but doing anything beyond the basics is more than I can do. I feed my children but not myself, bathe them but not me. I meet their needs but when I'm down, we'll all watch tv for days. No park, no crafts, play together for a while. Not the mommy I want to be.

So yesterday I started my Prozac again. It the only thing thats ever made me feel more like I imagine normal feels like. No snapping, no yelling, no wallowing in my own filth, no overwhelming fear over everything. Better. Everyone notices. Lori even asked me to go back on my 'more patience pills'.

I had been doing ok without them I thought, but a recent loss of a baby pushed me out on a precarious limb where I didn't feel secure at all. I'm better everyday but this will help.

When I'm in a more stable mood I think of things like working. About having a preschool/child care center in my home. How much I'd love to have all those children around, teaching them how to count and funny songs. I'd love to do that, but I never will. Because I know one day I'll feel better and stop my pills. And I'll snap and yell and fear and become overwhelmed and those children will become acquainted with Disney. It isn't fair to my children so I won't inflict it on anyone elses. Yet I daydream. I mentioned my thoughts of childcare to Edwin. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, perhaps sprouted two heads.

He said some days he thinks I'm going to kill the kids I have. So, I dream and know I can't. That's life. Maybe one day I'll find a passion I can follow.

Ooooo Sssssss Uuuuu

2009-09-24T15:44:00.001-07:00

So as all my (1) readers know, Monday is my birthday.

So far I've gotten an offer to babysit(though I may have misunderstood what was said) and a book with gift cards tucked in(Thanks Rodney!).

We'll see if anyone else remembers. My family is famous for being spacey!

So Elizabeth(read Edwin's baby mama) has a chance to get tickets to the OSU game on Saturday afternoon and we would LOVE to go, problem is, it's 2 tickets. So we have to find a sitter if we want to go(hello above offer?). And we have to know tonight, so perhaps this won't work out but I'm keeping fingers crossed.

I would love to be there shouting at the players and the ref's.. Oooooo Ssssss Uuuuuu Oregon State FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. David would love going too, every Saturday he watches with his father "my football. I watch my football."

Yes, my kiddo totally talks in lowercase.

It's not fair..

2009-09-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

Ah life, I've heard since a small child you aren't fair, and I'd like to tell you that you suck.

Recently I feel you've been kicking me when I'm down.

We've been considering buying a house for a while now, off and on. Edwin won't even consider going to the bank for a pre-approval letter to see what we're offered. I tell him it's not a commitment, it's just information, but...he's him.I've found this beautiful house for $175,000 4 bedroom, 1910 farm house, 3 stories, detached garage that appears to have been a small barn. Fenced yard, quite neighborhood. I'm in lust and he agrees it might be perfect and I was able to get 'anonymous' loan quotes based on info we provided but we don't understand what half of it means and he wants to know if we get them, but then not do anything about them. The payment estimate is slightly higher than our rent, which really? why should we pay someone else's mortgage?

In other news the kids are doing well. David is growing and learning, well...I'm trying to teach, he's resisting learning. A lot. We tried A makes the 'ah ah' sound like ah ah apple and he FLIPPED OUT saying it wasn't 'ah ah apple just APPLE' and over and over and over..we never moved past that. So I need to find other teaching methods. He's so literal he's going to be tough.

We checked into tutoring for Lori but the costs are SO prohibitive. Don't know what we'll do. Maybe check ad's for a less spendy private tutor? Doesn't answer the issues of testing.

Thought I'd update since I hadn't in forever. I'll leave you with a cute picture:

David and his portrait entitled "Haha got your camera mom"

A Saturday at the coast

2009-08-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

So last weekend we decided to take the kids to the coast to ~~force knowledge down their throats~~ have a good time. We went to see the ship wreck of the Peter Iredale that wrecked in 1906. It looked like this after it's crash.

This is what it looked like this weekend. The kids could have cared less what it was or why it was there. They just played in the sand and surf for a couple hours.

After the beach, we went to the Ft. Steven's state park. Specifically we went to their military museum. We lucked out and they had some people who were doing a reenactment of a naval landing party. I don't recall what ship specifically but it was neat. We got to see a practice cannon loading.

And learned that girls had a position in the navy at that time. 7-8 year old children were used as 'powder monkeys' in the ships because the ships were so small. People would bring their children when they couldn't care for them. The girls would work and send money home and would leave the military able to read, write, have manners, ect. and could make a good match above their class. The boys would do the same but had the opportunity to become captians. We learned that Admrial David Glasgow Farragut, who famously said "Damn the torpedos, full steam ahead!" in the Battle of Mobile Bay, became the captain of his own ship at the tender age of 12 years old.

They also had a jeep from WWII(I believe) that the kids could play in. The girls would duck and fire out the back while David bravely drove on. The girls would yell "DUCK!!" and David would look around and say "There's no duck." He was very confused!

Lori learned to spin yarn. She had trouble getting the rythem down. Heel, toe, heel, toe.

Well in all fairness, she just somehow did it wrong cause it kept going the wrong direction, so maybe the wrong order? Toe heel toe heel.. She got to bring home some wool.

David's favorite time was behind the wheel of the Jeep. We must have gone back to that thing 3 times or better. He was a wild driver, making sharp turns and rapid direction changes.

Though I guess he would have avoided being shot. All in all we had fun. The kids got some sun but Mom got burned(shock!). Even Edwin seemed to enjoy exploring stuff. We hope to go back for the Civil War reenactment over Labor Day.

Lonesome

2009-07-18T12:21:00.001-07:00

Edwin went to go visit with friends today. He's down in Lebanon and I'm here. He left the car for me, which is nice, and he deserves some down time because he's been working so much. Heck, he's even going to be working while he's there.

But a Saturday without him, I find I'm lonely. Incredibly lonesome. There had been talk of a couple friends coming to visit but it's not worked out. I clearly need to find friends or a hobby or something. The desire to call him and ask if we can come down is overwhelming. It's like an empty place in my chest. A physical longing.

Sad, how many other people get like this? I'm guessing not many. I need a life.

8 whole years.

2009-07-10T16:11:00.001-07:00

8 years since you came into my life. 8 years of growing up together. 8 years of change and strife. I think we're stronger for it. My first born child. The first love of my life.

Happy Birthday Baby. I'm so glad you chose me for your mommy.

Waaa???

2009-06-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

I was listening to an Ambien commercial tonight and heard that one of the 'side effects' was 'being aggressively normal'...... What does that even mean??

My Uterus is Vacating.

2009-06-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Oh gracious, how could I have forgotten how a period without hormones feels?? Maybe it's like childbirth and the memories become fuzzy.

I lost my IUD last weekend so I'm hormone free. My body is not loving this. I did some research about post IUD bleeding and it seems I may have a long row to hoe.. Fun! Some women have been in the ER from blood loss. Thankfully that isn't the case here, but it certainly gave me pause!

While lying on my couch dying, my darling David has been very good with snuggles, hugs, and keeping himself occupied! My little girl is less forgiving. She is very demanding. Different kids different personalities. By 5pm I was ready to beat her if she asked to go outside or play on the computer one more time! Which, can I say, she stopped playing on because she deleted a program from my desktop!

Oh children you are my challenge.

The kids found out that Michelle is coming on Saturday and are psyching themselves up. I know they'll have fun but gracious it'll be busy!!

Still haven't heard from Lori's Dad about summer visitation. Not sure how that will pan out.

In other news, I'm going to try selling Avon.. So here's my site, come buy product!

Project Support Beauty in Nature

2009-06-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

To help lessen our impact on the world we've taken the following steps:

1) Use organic cleaners when ever possible. Our favorites right now are Clorox Greenworks.

Their products work just as well for me. I am also able to replace the glass cleaner, bathroom cleaner, and toilet bowl cleaner by just using a spray bottle with the 'Natural Dilutable' cleaner in a spray bottle mixed per directions.

2) Seems like a given, but many people don't do this. We RECYCLE.
We reuse when we can, recycle when we can't. When we are able to, we'll also compost. If you recycle, reuse, and compost, there is little that goes to the landfill. Every two weeks(when our recycling is picked up) our recycling is over flowing, but each week our garbage can contains only one or two bags. That's for 5 people.

3) We take short showers. I shower in about ten minutes, 15 if I take my toddler in with me. By sharing the shower, I'm saving the 20 minute bath he'll take later that always turns to shower for the rinse. My 8 year olds have strict time limits for showering. No sitting under the water playing.

4) This summer I'll be drying half or more of my laundry outside. Why use the dryer when it's so darn hot out there? The only thing I wish I had? A bigger drying rack.

5) We microwave whenever possible because it takes less energy than heating up our stove or oven.

What do you do?

Memorial Day weekend

2009-05-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

For Memorial Day weekend we decided to take the kids to the beach. The first day we ended up being in the car the entire time driving down the coast line looking for the 'perfect' beach. We ended up 151 miles down the coast. Driving home was shorter because we didn't take the round about long way. The kids had fun and we ended up staying in this awful hotel, I mean...no bugs, but it was the worst thing I've ever slept in. Ick ick ick Econolodge in Lincoln City. It was the best we could do on a holiday weekend. Everything else was sold out. And the clerk knew it. We paid THROUGH THE NOSE for crap.

But the next day we had good food and played at the beach for hours. We even put on enough sunscreen so no one got burned!

Edwin made castles

Complete with moat. The moat made David insane! He kept trying to fill it in. Before we left for the day, he had to fill in the moat because it 'had a hole, i need fix hole'.. kind of cute but was an irritation for Dad.

David was having fun filling and dumping his bucket. He had even more fun making his sisters scream by destroying their buildings.

Michelle was pretty laid back and was having lots of fun. I couldn't keep her and Lori out of the waves. They both got soaked from the thighs down.

Lori's hair is so fine it doesn't remain in clips or hair ties.. So she was on the beach looking like her mother doesn't love her. But she had fun.. She was doing most of the yelling.

Both of the kids wanted to take home parts of dead things. Crab legs, sand crab carcass, and such.. yuck!!

Hope your Memorial Weekend was awesome!

2009-05-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

Today, this woman kicked my butt. Consider me Shredded for the day. I made it 10 minutes into her 30 minute workout before my body would no longer do the moves.

Fun fact, jumping jacks are rough on a post baby body. Have to go to a store today if I want to continue doing the workout but less laundry.

I filmed my son playing with finger paint yesterday. Posted it today on Youtube.

I watch this video and it makes me smile. Wish I'd had a camera when my little girl was a baby/toddler.

Sometimes life goes by so much faster than we can keep track of.

Lori isn't going to her Dad's this weekend. Her little sister was hospitalized for a while because of pneumonia and now is on some kind of medication that suppresses her immune system, so we're being on the safe side. We all know public school is a cesspool of germs. Is that redundant? Cesspool of germs? I'll have to look up the exact definition of cesspool.
Ah, interwebs how I love the public spectacle I can make of myself from my own home.

Like I was saying before I rambled off on my own, we'll have all three kids this weekend. Hopefully we'll do something fun.

Have a good weekend.

Sometimes life runs away with you

2009-05-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know today is Wednesday?! I just realized about ten minutes ago.

My days recently go basically the same, get up, pack Lori's lunch, feed the kids breakfast, send Lori to school and start my day with David.

Today David experienced finger painting. He seemed to like it but didn't care for the gooey hands. He's the only toddler I know that hates being dirty. Especially his hands. So two pieces of artwork and a few pictures of him painting(coming later) and he was ready to call it quits.

He has so much personality and is so different than my first. Some days I wish I could have a hundred more. Other times, like say nap time, I wonder what I was thinking having any..

Such is the life of a mother.

Happy Mothers Day

2009-05-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

A tornado has gone through my kids playroom.

So after a week of being sick and basically bedridden, I went to go and check on the kids play room.
Lets just say that Edwin was not very diligent about making sure the kids kept up with their tidying.

I can't believe the mess. I'll be spending the nice weekend indoors playing catch up for the week I was down.

This weekend we've got Michelle and Lori goes to her Dad's. David is excited. He loves Michelle weekends. I suspect he'll be beside himself this summer having both his sisters.

Words I dread

2009-05-07T15:02:00.000-07:00

"Mom, I'm hungry." Those words are some that I HATE to hear. Not for reasons other moms hate it. Other moms worry about what they'll feed their kids, where the food or money for food will come from. I hate those words because my daughter can't stop eating.

She eats and eats and eats until her stomach aches. She'll eat more than me. She'll eat several FULL meals a day. She wakes up hungry, she takes a snack for school, she eats a large lunch, she asks for food as soon as she gets home. She will literally eat from the moment she comes in until time for bed. And not like, oh I'll nibble here or there. No. She eats an entire package of crackers, a full bowl of applesauce, left overs, bread, fruit, and then ask for dinner. Then ask for seconds at dinner. Then ask for a pre-bed snack.

I don't know what to do.

Today she came in and went straight for the fridge. I told her no snack because I was making an early dinner tonight. She went upstairs to put her bag away, back down into the fridge "Mom can I have..." NO! I told you no snack, I'll be making dinner soon. "Mom can I have...?" NO go upstairs. "ugh mom I just want a snack I'm SO hungry" and bring on the tears. Which, I'll be honest, piss me off. She's overweight she isn't dying she had a lunch and snack at school, she will be fine for another hour. That it's SO big a deal that there are TEARS over it make me furious.

All the way around I'm so fed up with dealing with her issues. It isn't HER, it's things beyond her control but about her. I'm tired of not having my calls returned, not having insurance for her, not having a clue how to deal with any of it. I'm at the end of my rope.

Pretty much sums up the last three days

2009-05-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil. I love NyQuil. Man, I love it! I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best thing ever invented. Isn't it, huh? I love the name alone. NyQuil - Capitol N, small Y, big fucking Q! I love that fucking Q, don't you!? What a great advertising idea! Put a huge fucking Q on the box. They'll get high and stare at it. "The Q is talking to me! The Q is talking to me!"

I love NyQuil, man. Because NyQuil has never changed, man. It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. Say hello to Klaus!" NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you! You giant fucking Q!

NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!"

~Dennis Leary "No Cure for Cancer"

Yup, NyQuil, I love you, you giant fucking Q! Last night I took some and was starting to wonder why I wasn't 'feelin' it, then I turned to say something to Edwin and saw tracers. I know not everyone has done enough drugs to see tracers, just imagine it like a bad movie pan. I decided I should go to bed and realized, balance isn't my strong point.

Like just now, less than five minutes ago I took the 'adult' dose of NyQuil and my legs are tingling and my brain is starting to disconnect. I love that floating feelings. I also love being able to sleep without coughing and hacking and dying.

My cold/flu/curly tail has been reduced to a stuffy/runny nose and uncontrolable hacking and coughing. Which of course means I pee my pants. *Don't have kids without plans for bladder sling surgery.* So I cough and pee and pass gas. Boy Edwin got a winner here huh?

LMAO, I totally just lapsed 10 minutes zoning out on Family Matters. Just checked out. Ah we love you, you giant fucking Q.

So in light of that, I'm going to bed to zone in bed.

I've been told to update

2009-04-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

So today I'm posting to avoid starting my mid-term. We thankfully have a take home. More time to procrastinate!

We are starting our planning and research for homeschooling. I'm at my wits end with the school system and am not going to fight anymore.

Applying again for OHP. Cause I love a good fight.

Have to take David to get his vaccs and a check up. Not to mention everyone needs some dental stuff. Well, not David. He seems to have ok teeth aside from being chipped.

I'm a little concerned about how easily they chip as my fraternal grandfather had 'soft' teeth where they would flake and break. He ended up with dentures early on.

The 'swine flu' is about. None here in Oregon as yet. People flip out over anything. It's just like West Nile and the Bird Flu. This isn't even the first time the swine flu has made the pig to human jump. There have been two others. 1976 at a military base and 1988 in like Ohio or something. Each of them originated at a fair where they had been around pigs. So I feel confident if I keep washing my kids hands, we'll be ok.

um... I suppose that's it. See, not much to update.

In Rememberance

2009-04-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Too soon to go, but heaven needed this angel back. The world is better for her presence. Thoughts and prayers to her parents. She smiles down on us.

men never grow up

2009-03-24T23:47:00.001-07:00

So it's spring break up here. It's a week full of late nights and bored children. Unfortunately, this year, it's also a week of having a sick man in my house.
Something magical happens when men get sick. They morph from adults who bring home the bacon and are the protectors of the household, to toddlers who need a mommy. They need to be cuddled, cared for, pampered... They whine, oh lordy do they whine, and throw tantrums!
I know I say I want another kid, but I'd like one that isn't 28.
What causes this change? Most women I know get sick and just want to be left alone with the occasional delivery of soup and water. Otherwise, don't look at us. But men, complete opposite. They need you more than a newborn.

So this week, I have three children. I'm listening to an orchestra of sniffles, and whines.

So, as it's nearly midnight, and he's still not coming to bed, I can safely add whining about being sleepy to his list tomorrow.

Here I bid you farewell, as I have to go take the garbage and recycling out because SOMEONE is too sick to help.

If you want something done right...

2009-03-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

So, after getting past my anger at the school system, I made some phone calls. My girl has an appt on April 2nd for testing for dyslexia, instead of discussing whether she's behind enough for help. Looking at homeschooling her for a while. Play some catch up. Drop my classes. The thought of doing it pains me, but I made the choice to be a mom, and that comes first.
We're fortunate enough that me having an income isn't necessary. May as well put that to good use.
I feel really strongly that my girl will benefit from one on one. Her brother will still go to preschool when it's time, but no reason to rush him into child care. They say kids do better the longer their home with their moms. Well see if thats true.

My mom was up visiting today. We always enjoy the company, but she seems to be mostly baby sitter extraordinaire while here so I can play catch up. Between preparing meals, homework, kids, and errands, something slips..usually housework(Hello! Sink dirty bathroom!) and my homework slides more than it should. But, there is only so many hours in a day and I do the best I can.

My dad had open heart surgery. They originally were going to replace his aortic valve and a double bypass. Instead he got his aortic valve replace, the aortic arch, and triple bypass. He's a little sore, but doing well. Apparently my grandparents are all up in arms that we didn't call dad in the hospital, but really? After surgery like that, you're either too drugged to keep focus or remember who called, or you're sleeping. I knew we'd talk to him when he left the hospital. I enjoy the time in the hospital, I find relaxing to be honest. Someone cares for you and all you have to do is tell the nurses to bugger off and shuffle to the restroom(assuming it's permitted). Although I think my dad got better drugs than I did for mine surgery. He was seeing orange parashutes, people who had firecrackers coming off their bodies(sounds like aura's huh?) that weren't there but he could talk to, and he could see with his eyes closed. Sounds like a trip!

I'm finally tired so I'm going to head to bed.

My Girl

2009-03-06T15:31:00.000-08:00

Learned a new fact about my girl that even I didn't know. Lori likes scary movies. She is watching a 'horror themed' episode of my favorite show, which is normally funny. And she can't stop watching. She's covering her eyes with her socks(don't ask me) but still is watching out the side. What a crack up. And while it's 3:45pm, I'm going to guess that she will I still be reassuring her tonight.

In other news, the school determined that because Lori is making 'some' progress and her reversals are less than the beginning of the year that she doesn't need any extra assistance. I'm sure that her not even hitting the 'expected' level for mid year doesn't matter because Hey, it's progress, even if it isn't much. And us working consistently and exhaustively hasn't helped her identify and be more aware of her reversals. So she's not going to be receiving any help from the school. So I'm faced with the choice of giving up my schooling and homeschooling her so she gets the level of teaching she needs or letting the school continue doing nothing and hope she keeps up...

Oh, and proof of her dyslexia in my opinion? She can look at a word, like Cold and she'll look at it then spell it 'clod' over and over. EVEN HER TEACHER mentioned this habit while explaining why she was found to not have dyslexia and needed no help. *sigh*

Another Success!

2009-03-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

Since this last weekend, we've been putting David in shorts with no underpants in hopes he would use the potty. And he did! Well he had one accident but that was because he was playing with his sister and cousin and delayed going pee too long. But even in his pullup tonight, he told me he had to go pee! So we ran to the bathroom and he suddenly stops short and refuses to go in the stall. Well I drag him in there while he's screaming "I no pee" and pull down his pants, and he's peeing all over the floor...geez! So I pinch his penis and shift him to the potty. Thankfully he didn't get his pants, just the floor. I was at a loss as to how to clean it up, so I told the staff there was a puddle when we went in there and they should get it cleaned up... Maybe that makes me horrible. So one more hurdle cleared! Now we strive for consistency!!
We thought maybe the loose fitting shorts were helping and went to the store to get him boxers, but they don't make boxers in his size. They start at 4T, and he is still a 12mo waist but 4T length.. Wish he'd put on a little weight.

Anyway so a good day over all. Tomorrow will be filled with stress as my father is having open heart surgery. Aortic valve replacement and a double bypass. Hopefully I'll hear from someone by early afternoon. Cross your fingers for us.

A Nightmare I Can't Shake

2009-02-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

I had a nightmare last night and I can't shake it off. We've all had those right? Mine wasn't about a dead relative or anything. It was about a good day that went very bad.

I dreamt I was at like a fair or something with my best friends Holly and Emily. Their mother was waiting in the car for us, for whatever reason. We had just finished picking up some treats from the bakery and some Dr.Pepper and were leaving. As we head across this large lawn towards the parking lot, this robot firecracker gets set off. It's HUGE like, bigger than life size metal robot firecracker. At first we're thinking it looks pretty cool flying around...then it starts to ball up and spin like some firecrackers do before exploding, and it occurs to me that if it explodes, that's going to be a lot of shrapnel. But it doesn't explode, instead it just shifts directions and flies into a building, which knocks it over into another building, and a piece fall off the robot. We start to run towards the buildings to try and save who we can because it was a dorm for OSU, but I realize that since it's been flying in a U pattern, it'll be back, so I stop us and we run back to the open field. We watch as it hits another building sending it toppling over knocking off another piece of it. Eventually it's just its rocket booster things from it's feet that are left, and it's knocked all these buildings over, and it changes course out of that area. We run to the car to tell Mary Lou what has happened and to call our signifigant others who have the kids and are far away(like out of town). We can't get through to our s.o.'s or kids, so we get in the car. We're telling Mary Lou what happened and she's being kind of 'who cares' about it almost like she doesn't believe it really happened. And as we get in the car, the rocket boosters hit another building, and knock it down. We head out of town across a bridge, and all these people start running the other way. I tell Mary Lou we need to turn around or speed up, but she doesn't listen and I see all the cracks in the bridge, she finally reverses but it's too late and we fall from the bridge. As we fall toward the water, I think there's one rocket booster left and yell at everyone in the car to wait until the we know nothing will fall on us to get out into the river.

I woke up just before we hit the water. And now I can't shake the dream. It's silly. A huge robot firecracker?? But I can't shake it. I hate dreams like that.

Also, it snowed last night.

One of those mornings

2009-02-19T20:52:00.000-08:00

Today was just one of those days. I woke up this morning to a sippy cup being banged against my face and "mama juice, mama juice, mama wake up, juice" so I tried hiding my face for a while, but he was mighty persistent. So I got up, put on yesterdays clothes and went down stairs to get him some juice that, might I add, he didn't drink, but set aside.
So, quashing my desire to hang him by his toes, I set out to make lunch for my daughter, and Edwin. I pulled out bread, but it was moldy. How does that happen from one day to the next?? Thankfully I had another loaf that I had just bought. I made the sandwiches and took my daughter to school.
I got home and David still wasn't dressed. But Edwin had time to watch TV. *sigh* Got the little man dressed and headed out to take Edwin to work. David fussed and complained the whole way. About various things, nothing major, just the sun was in his eyes and he dropped his car for the eleventy millionth time and I refused to get it, just stuff. It's nothing major, just when you're already having a rough morning, it grates.
So we get home, I turn on Go Diego, Go! and went upstairs to start cleaning house. I got a lot accomplished and was feeling much better. I headed downstairs to check on David again and spend some time playing with him now that I wouldn't be short with him. I head downstairs and he's watching the end of Diego but he had found a styrofoam cup to take apart while I was cleaning upstairs. So we picked that up and played trains.
After that it was pretty smooth sailing for the day, and I loved that. Sometimes, a morning that isn't great can color your whole day. I was glad to shake off my morning.

Edwin and me

2009-02-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Lee. His is Gabriel. Why yes, he is from a catholic family and latino, why do you ask?

How long have you been together?
4 years

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We've known each other since 1996, my freshman year of high school. He was a jock, in choir, and a computer geek. He was also dating my friend.

Who asked whom out?
Well, I guess technically, he asked me, but when I said I couldn't do it the day he suggested, he lost his nerve and hung up. I had to call him back and suggest a different night when I wasn't going out of town.

How old are each of you?
I'm 26 and he's 28.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Edwin is the oldest of 4 and I'm the oldest of 2, and my brother lives farther away than his siblings, so we see them more.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Raising kids, I think. It's really difficult to make a blended family. We both had 4 year olds when we got together, that's a lot to bring together. Oddly enough, we're on the same playing field with the one we have together. Something else we struggle with is my crazy. Sometimes it isn't as contained as I would maybe like.

Did you go to the same school?
We attended the same high school, but different colleges

Are you from the same home town?
No, he's from Mayaquez and Agaudilla(sp?) Puerto Rico, and I'm from Pell City, Alabama.

Who is smarter?
Edwin is smarter in many ways, but I have the corner on common sense.

Who is the most sensitive?
Depends on the scenario and subject.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We keep it eclectic.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Seattle

Who has the craziest exes?
None of my ex's are crazy, but his ex leaves a lot to be desired...like prozac

Who has the worst temper?
Again, it just depends. I think I get mad more easily, but he gets REALLY mad about stupid stuff

Who does the cooking?
Me, but I take much criticism from the man who can make hamburger helper as his primary entree

Who is the neat-freak?
Um, yes and no, I don't mind clutter, but there if there is a set home for something you best not put it else where. Lets put it this way. When telling me he had unloaded the dishwasher, he said "I signed my death warrant today"

Who is more stubborn?
I am stubborn in a way you only seem to find in the south, and he's stubborn in that 'I'm always right' kind of way.

Who hogs the bed?
Me, I hog the bed and the covers. Even when we had a Califonia King size bed, I hogged the bed. I think I migrate to snuggle, and he just has to learn to get up, walk around the end of the bed and lay on what was previously my side.

Who wakes up earlier?
In general I'd say we wake up together, but if theres a time one gets up before the other, it's me. Someone has to prevent the kids from killing themselves.

Where was your first date?
We tried going out for coffee, but because it's a stupid small town, they were all closed so we ended up walking around for hours talking.

Who is more jealous?
Me, by a long shot.

How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long, we kind of lept head first in. I knew very quickly he was it.

Who eats more?
Him. A lot more. He's a bottomless pit who just wanders around sucking up food.

Who does the laundry?
Me in general mostly because someone can't do the settings right. And never sets the dryer for long enough causing things to be damp and get that nasty smell and need to be rewashed.

Who's better with the computer?
Edwin. He nearly dies when he knows stuff I've done or haven't done.

Who drives when you are together?
Edwin mostly. It's his "job". Not to mention that if he isn't driving he has to take care of the kids or distribute fast food on trips, something he evidently is not equipped to do. Who knew you needed boobs for that?! Unfortunately, he's recently become a big fan of driving super slow and all over the place. His driving once drove me so insane that in my head I decided he was just too retarded to live. His inability to merge was what set me off.

Exhaustion

2008-10-22T16:40:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last week exhausted. I've been getting 8 hours of sleep at night, so not sure what the deal is. Perhaps iron deficient? More exercise? Who knows?

First Day of School

2008-09-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Lori's first day of school. She's been in school since she was 3, and I still almost cried when I took her to her 2nd grade class.

She was excited to go but scared. She has to make all new friends which is always scary. But she's a sweet child, so I have faith she'll make friends.

She got a new bike to ride to school too, but first she has to gain confidence. Right now, despite knowing how to ride, she wobbles all over and I had to put training wheels on it again. As soon as she's gotten stable I'll buy her a lock and she can start riding her bike to school(with me of course).

She had to walk ahead of me home from school so she could walk with her friend who lives next to us. She's acting so grown up. She talked me into her first training bra when we were clothes shopping.. A training bra! At 7! But, it fits. I've noticed she's showing the first signs of her body maturing, I'm not ready.

What is it with men?? When I told Edwin Lori got a training bra, he said 'What is she training?' I remember my grandfather saying something similar when I got my first one. At least Edwin didn't say it in front of her. I think men just don't get what a big milestone that feels like to us. Or at least to me as a girl, and apparently my daughter too.

Now that she's going, my son wants to go to school. We told him he had to go peepee in the potty before he could go. We'll see how that works out. I'm going to start looking into day cares for him to go to. Hopefully this will encourage him to try. He has the know how and can feel his body well enough to know he has to go, he just refuses to do it in the potty. *sigh* boys are harder than I thought.

My baby's two

2008-08-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

Here's his birth story. Two years ago, I brought this lovely child into this world. *sigh* Where does the time go?

David's Story

Moving, I hate moving!

2008-06-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Boxes stacked everywhere
So little time
Stress grips my body
Leaving it tense

7 days from today
We move to a 'better' home
Closer to friends and family

But still hate moving
hate boxes
hate feeling like you never have enough packed

Three kids here this summer
with boxes and no cable
perhaps I should go back to bed.

The one concert I've gone to

2008-06-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

After reading Ree's story about her concert I was reminded of my own.

It was for my birthday back in 2005. Edwin took me to Green Day.

Here's the original entry from my old blog.

Oh my god! So yesterday Edwin took me to a Green Day concert. I had so much fun! I can't even describe it! It was freaking awesome!!! Then we got to the car and Edwin had the car key in his wallet and it had broken! It had a crack in it, and I warned him it would break so now I got a fun "I told you so" moment.

Anyway so we're trying to decide what to do his key is in two pieces. Thankfully it didn't break in a lock. So we call his Dad cause Edwin didn't think trying to get a new key cut was feasible, despite my assuring him they could. So we decide to take the Max(Portland transit) to the airport.. Except the last one left like two minutes before we got there. So we take one to Gateway as per this bike cops suggestion to cut down on the cab fare.
Then we get a cab driver who can't find his way out of a paper bag but we make it to the airport.. Yes! We'll rent a car and tomorrow when he drops off the car he'll bring the spare key he has somewhere in his house and retrieve his car. But the rental places won't rent to him for various reasons.. Like Hertz didn't like his credit card. The computer wouldn't run it. The only other rental place open wouldn't because he doesn't have a land line phone, only his cell. So... We get advice to call a lock smith.. (Hmm that sounds familiar) So now it's after midnight and the concert ended at like 10:05. So we call one and the guy thinks it's a prank call.

SIDESTORY: The yellow page add I called first had a ad statement that said "We can make a key without a key' Which was basically what we needed. So I call the next guy after receiving no answer from that number and when the guy answers I ask "Can you make a key without a key?" apparently this isn't a good opening line because the guy hangs up on me muttering about prank calls.. Then he blocks the number.. *sigh* I wasn't in charge of the phone anymore... We all had a good laugh though.
So we finally find one but we have to get back across town so he says call me when you get there.. So we get another cab..(poor Edwin's bank account) and when we get back we can't get a hold of the guy.. He just doesn't answer. So we're sitting on the steps of the parking garage trying to reach the guy when security shows up! This guy stands with his hand on the front of his belt and rocks on his heel and is fat and mean and one of those "I wanted to be a cop but they wouldn't let me so now I think I'm bad ass in my security job.. Yeah you're a tool at like 1am. So he refuses to call our guy and says "We only deal with Pop-n-Lock thats who we'll call." At this point we just want to go home. We are tired and hungry. So he calls and is like well I'll check back so don't do anything.. Like we somehow have caused this or are trouble makers waiting to burn down a CONCRETE PARKING STRUCTURE. So the Pop-n-Lock guy comes and says "I can get you in the car but I can't get you a key." He asks why we called him since he doesn't do keys. So we tell him our whole story to this point the security guard. Now it's 2am, so he gets the yellow pages and tells us who he's heard good things about so we call. The guy we call can be there in an hour. So Mr. Pop-n-Lock jimmies the door so we can get our sweaters and have a warmer place to sit than outside. He spent like 45 minutes with us and doesn't charge anything for any of his services.. He's going to heaven.
So the guy comes and cuts they key within like 15-20 minutes. And charges $175 for the key and work. This leads me to believe I'm in the wrong damn field! (Jessica the locksmith..)

Finally at 3:30 were on our way and exhausted.. I nap and then we get food since we haven't eaten since like 1 that afternoon. Then Edwin is falling asleep at the wheel.
I'm better, I ate and napped so I'm feeling alert. It took me quite a while to get him to let me drive. Cause somehow to let the woman drive is weakness?? It's much better to crash! *men*

I offered to drive in Woodburn and he didn't pull over till after Enchanted Forest. I kept having to talk to him so he wouldn't fall asleep. He finally pulled over, so I drove into town and dropped everyone off and was singing loudly to try to stay awake.

Then we get home and I'm thinking Shannon(our sitter) will just stay till morning since it's 5am and we haven't' slept in nearly 24 hours. But she needed to go home. I flat out couldn't do it so Edwin who had been napping took her home. I went to bed and I was so dead I didn't hear him come in or turn off the lamp I left on in the room for him or anything I didn't even know he was home until I woke up this morning.

That was my first concert experience. I hope the next one I attend will have a little less drama.

Where did the time go???

2008-05-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

Edwin got a letter about his 10 year class reunion. 10 years.. Where did the time go? What have we accomplished in 10 years? Seems like not a lot, but really, he has a degree and successful career, 3 wonderful children, and we're happy. That's a lot to accomplish. Many people live their whole lives without achieving that. Especially the happiness part.

So we'll go and have a good time. We're excited, mostly. My only concern, how do you lose 50 lbs in a month??

My baby got a boo boo

2008-05-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

So Edwin had an interview on Friday for a job in Hillsboro. It was our weekend to go to Oregon anyway so we all went down a day early. Since his interview was expected to take 4 hours, I took the kids to the Portland Children's Museum to play. Well, about an hour and a half in, Lori went to a place where only kids older than 6 can be, and I took David to the art section to color and play with clay. While sitting in a wonderful child size chair that he could get easily in and out of, he reached for a crayon, became unbalanced and fell out of his chair. He hit the table on his way down. I figured he was ok, just a little hurt, because my son falls ALL THE TIME. Then I saw the blood. And the huge gash under his lip. So I scoop him up and run to get papertowels to help stem the bleeding. I give the required incident information for their form and get directions to the nearest hospital.

When we get in the car, he's done crying and doesn't seem to notice his lip. So as I drive toward the hospital I debate what to do. He's fallen asleep(it was past his nap time) and so I park, get out, and go back to take a good look at his injury, since he's sleeping and not yelling at me.

It's pretty deep and continues to kind of weep. So I decide I can't leave a message on Edwin's phone telling him I'm at the hospital, that would freak him out. So I make the very hard decision to go and get him paged out of the interview.

The company was SO understanding about it and were offering rides, directions, ect so we can get him taken care of.

We take him to an urgent care that is nearby and they suggest we take him to a hospital that is supposed to have an excellent children's emergency room.

After a total ordeal that I'll discuss later with the staff, we emerged with a stitched up baby.

It looks small now that it's all stitched up, but it looked HUGE and TERRIFYING when it happened. Maybe it was just because my baby was hurt.

So he got stitches, and his sister got freaked. She felt so bad for him. She was crying for him.
But all in all it wasn't too bad. They have to stay in 5 days, so can come out tomorrow. Poor baby boy. But it was bound to happen because it's part of who he is.

Also, he chipped another tooth in this ordeal. He had previously chipped a top front tooth after falling while playing with his sister a while ago. This time he appears to have chipped a bottom tooth. Small chips, but boy by the time he's done, he'll look like a hockey player!

Potty training hopeful!

2008-05-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

So we went to the store on Sunday and I convienced Edwin to let me get potty training stuff. David is almost two, time to get him thinking about it.

So we got the Pull-Ups that turn cool when you pee. The hope being he'll feel it, stop peeing and let us know. We'll see how it goes. Better than the ones that just are like a diaper.

We already had the potty chair. He hates it because it has a squishy seat. It's supposed to make it more pleasant, but he doesn't agree. Not sure what I'll do about that.

And we got him underwear. Little boy underpants. He got to choose, and he oddly enough chose Seaseme Street. He's never seen the show, but he liked the way these looked.

Now is when I mention that Edwin HATES like HATES Elmo. So Dad was THRILLED that Dave chose these.

I told Edwin "Look at the bright side. At least they don't sing!"

If looks could kill I'd be dead.

Hopefully now that we have the 'tools' we'll be able to get him on the potty road. Edwin is doubtful, but I'm hopeful.

I'll keep you updated.

I thought it was a myth

2008-04-24T18:05:00.001-07:00

So, we've all seen the cartoon babies who try and flush all manner of things down the toilet. I thought it was a myth. Something funny.

Today, my son stuck our cordless phone in the toilet. He said "Flush!" Needless to say, our phone appears dead.

Who knew it was a real stage?? Probably everyone but me. *sigh*

Child Labor

2008-04-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

I've discovered something fantastic about my son. I mean WONDERFUL, love him more for it, type fantastic.

He loves to vacuum.

He takes the attachment hose and just goes to town. He now cleans up his own messes. Sometimes I think he makes them now, just to clean it up!

See?? This warms my heart. Now, how long until he can do dishes?

Stolen gnome

2008-04-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Last week I was looking out on my patio and noticed something seemed wrong. You know, you look at something and you can't put your finger on it, but it's just off somehow?
That's what it was. So I've been looking out everyday trying trying trying to figure out what was wrong.

I finally figured out what it was. My little garden gnome, the only one that survived my daughter being 3, was gone. He was a lounging gnome with cheery red cheeks and an orange pointy cap. Not like the travelosity gnome, but cute, and small. Perfect for my little apartment patio, and someone has taken it! I suspect its one of the neighbor kids, we have some...challenged.. ones. Parents not so great kind of challenged. Anyway.. My gnome is gone. It wasn't expensive, it's just, it was my gnome. It lasted through moves and a toddler thinking they're toys(there were three) and he was perfect on my patio. I'm a little sad. Even looked in the bushes near the house in case he just got knocked off.. but he's gone.

Ok, that's my little "poor little gnome" thing.

Weekly Winners

2008-04-13T16:04:00.001-07:00

aren't I pretty?
Needs his hair "done" just like his sisters
The flowers outside our back door
A close up.. I never stop being amazed at all the bright and vibrant colors nature makes.

Today feels like a picture day

2008-04-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

Wha??
My favorite toes!
Take the lid off, put the lid on..
Ice can be so tempting to a 20 month old.
Look Mom, my nose!
Boogie down with my bad self.
On tip toe to see over the seat
What are you doing mom?
Look at that..

Therapy and Relationships

2008-04-03T18:00:00.001-07:00

So I don't know where else to turn, so internet, my friend, tag, you're it.

Edwin and I have been together for only 3 years and those years have been turbulent. We spent a year apart working on our relationship. But, lets start at the beginning.

Edwin and I went to high school together, where he dated a friend of mine. While their relationship was on again off again they got pregnant. He was in college, and she had just graduated high school. He begged her to abort because it wasn't a good time. She decided she wanted to be a mom and decided to continue the pregnancy. It wasn't what he wanted but he accepted it and was supportive. Shortly after his daughter was born, the mom kicked him out and ended the relationship once and for all. He was still very in love with her.

Fast forward 4 years and a mutual friend of he and I's sets us up. We go on a date and I fall for him in a major way. At that time I had a nearly 4 year old daughter(our daughters are 4 months apart) and was hesitant to start a relationship. But, after spending time together I introduced him to my daughter and we started getting more serious.

A few months into our relationship, my mother, who I lived with while attending college, announced she was moving to Alaska. I looked for my own place, but without a job or savings, I couldn't afford a place. So, Edwin invited me to move in with him. I took him up on the offer with the intention of it being temporary. But, a few days after signing the year long lease, he said he wanted to separate, that he thought he was still in love with his ex. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I was hearing wedding bells and seeing happily ever after. I just 'knew' he was 'the one'.

I was hopeful that I could wait him out, but still I applied at the local community college to continue my degree and filled out applications for assistance through the state and low income housing so I could move out.

While living together we were still intimate from time to time, and during one of those times, I conceived. We talked about what to do. He wanted me to get an abortion. I agreed. I made the necessary appointments and went in. I was early enough along that I could do a non-invasive abortion. My doctor required I wait a certain amount of time, though I don't recall how long. It was right after christmas I went in. I was going to take the tablet and it would abort the fetus. My doctor came in and I just couldn't do it. I was in tears and discussed what to do next with her. She was very understanding. Unfortunately, Edwin was not. He was furious that I didn't do it.

After a while of not talking, we started discussing the future and plans. At this point, I had been so stressed out and freaked out and crazy that I had flunked my first term at the new college. I opted to drop out.

So now I have a 4 year old, I'm pregnant, a college drop out, and living with a man that seems to hate me. Life was difficult.

I decide to do training to be a CNA so that I can get a job with a decent income. Midway through my training, Edwin announces he's received and accepted a job in Seattle, which is five hours away from where we live. Our lease isn't up, I have no income, and he gives notice and pays the early termination fees. So I have 30 days to find my own place. Thankfully, I received a call from low income housing and they have an apartment open. I move from 'our' place to 'my' place with only a day to spare before the lease was up. At that point Edwin had been gone for a month. I had been sleeping on an air mattress.

We move just before my daughters 5th birthday in July, I was 8 months pregnant. We move in and it's ok. I get things kind of set up, Edwin visits every two weeks when he comes down to see his daughter. Things slowly get better between us. We have lots of long conversations and come to agreements about parenting and how we would treat one another.

August comes and I give birth to a healthy baby boy. Edwin comes down for the birth and chooses to miss a couple days of work to stay with us. He and I bond over that time and I fall back in love with him(I had given up on "us").

He continues to come down every two weeks and visits. We get closer. We decide that when his lease is up, he'll get a bigger place in Seattle and the kids and I will move up to be with him. We want to try again and try and make it work.

We move up June of 2007 and start living together. Things so far have been going ok. I went on Prozac for some depression and mood issues. It helped our relationship some because we didn't argue as much.

However recently he's started treating my daughter in ways that I don't like. I don't want her to have a messed up self image because of him.

He has previously refused to do parenting classes or family therapy. I know if I issue an ultimatum he'll be angry, but I believe I need to do what's best for my children. If we don't protect them, who will?

I'm having a really hard time right now. I wish there was an easy answer in life. But every choice has it's price.

Yesterday was beautiful

2008-04-03T07:53:00.001-07:00

The tulips I bought at the fruit stand.
A pretty bush in someones yard along the highway.
The lake near my house
The sailboats in the lake near my house. This defines jealousy.
Because I find wild flowers that grow in yards pretty.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-04-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

My daughter Lori, is spending this week with her father and grandmother. Here are pictures sent to me. Looks like she's doing fine without me.

Proof Mother Nature is on drugs

2008-03-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

I looked out the patio door today and this is what I saw. Evidently Mother Nature has been smoking a little too much hash and forgot it was nearly April. So, while it's pretty, I'm mad about it.
I was so looking forward to spring. Not to mention Lori has her first softball game tomorrow very early in the morning. This should make things interesting to say the very least.

So, today, Mother Nature, I a say kiss my booty.

Late! I'm late..that's ok, I'm just on Momm time.

2008-03-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

David's story

2008-03-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

David's pregnancy was an easy pregnancy after my first one! Little morning sickness. It was confined to the morning! And it went away before birth!

He rode LOW in my pelvis the whole time. I'd get up and my tailbone would pop. The doctors will tell you that can't happen, but I swear that's what happened.

Because his Dad was working in another state and was 5 hours away and no vacation time we decided to schedule his induction. My OB took some convincing, but since we had a reason she gave in and set a date. In some ways it was easier because when it was overwhelming I could go "We only have to go till August 4th!" And at the same time, when it was overwhelming I went, "August 4th is FOREVER away!!" Cause I was pregnant and a touch dramatic.

Everything was set. It was marked on the calender. AUGUST 4TH BABY DAY all in caps just like that.
And on August 3rd, Edwin was coming down and I was anxiously waiting for him so we could sleep a few hours and then go to the hospital and get the show on the road. The hospital called while I was waiting. Turns out, everyone and their sister went into natural labor and we got bumped. I was told maybe the 6th. That didn't work at all. He would be going back to his job on the 6th. He would have to leave mid-labor. There were tears. I was mad. How unfair could the world be??

So Edwin gets there and I explain what happened. We agree we'll figure out what to do about it tomorrow and go to bed.

I woke up at 2am and had to pee like crazy. I roll out of bed, stand up, and woosh, pee all over my feet. I run to the bathroom and finish peeing in the potty. Rinse myself off, change, go to bed. Edwin asks if anything is wrong, I am too embarassed to say what happened and just tell him it was a normal potty break.

The next morning I'm crampy but chalk it up to having been intimate with Edwin the night before. It's a beautiful day so we sit outside and watch the kids play. I'm sitting still as can be when the baby moves and I pee my pants again. I go inside, change, and say nothing about it to Edwin. Since there's no baby that day Edwin decides to go to a movie with his Dad, and I go to have lunch with a girlfriend. We decide to walk to the restaurant. It feels like walk walk pee my pants. I'm embarrassed but had a pad on so was set. We eat, "m uncomfortable. My friend, who was also my labor coach with my daughter, suggests I go home and rest and call my doc.

I call at 3pm because I'm thinking maybe the cramps are early labor. I speak with the nurse and complain about peeing my pants. I'm told the doctor will call me. I have her paged at 5:20pm and she calls back finally. She doesn't think it's anything but come in and we'll check you. She does the slide test and there are "ferns ferns everywhere" and she goes to check for dilation and effacement and as soon as she touches my cervix, the rest of my water break and is nice enough to not get her soaked.

We discuss my contractions, or lack there of, and the estimated time since my water broke. We figure it could have been 2 am or 10am either way, the baby needs to get out because the infection risk is high. So I call Edwin and inform him what's going on. He and his father have just bought the tickets and are headed to the theater. I told him to go watch the movie, they haven't even started an IV, found a room for me, let alone start the pitocin. He says call if it gets going and I need him. I call my best friend and she and her sister come. Her sister takes Lori home with her and my best friend/old labor coach stays with me until Edwin arrives. The nurse comes in to go over information and start my IV. We get things going and she starts my pitocin. Immediately my labor is intense. There is no easing into it. About 15 minutes in, I have to pee. The nurse arranges my lines so I can use the bathroom. As I start to sit up David crashes down into my left hip which hurts like crazy and a contraction starts, harder and longer than the one before it.
The nurse says "don't worry, just get up, it's just gravity helping along" and is trying to pull me upright mid-contraction. If I had the ability at the time, I'd have killed her. My friend is calling Edwin telling him things are going fast and head over now.

I get back in bed and ask if I can lay on my side. Nurse says sure, I roll over and I can't close my legs. There is something between them. I can't close my legs. I want an epidural. In fact that sentence is my chant while laboring. My doctor comes in and explains I can't have one, there isn't time. She rubs my leg while I chant, my friend holds my hand and silently curses Edwin for not being here yet.

I tell the doctor I have to push, she checks me and I have a "lip of cervix" left. She has me bear down to see if it'll move, and I moan how good it feels to push. She encourages it and helps manually push the lip of cervix out of the way. My doctor jokes "where is Edwin? I thought that was why it was planned, so he could be here" A few pushes and I have a son. I'm crying, my doctor is delaying cutting the cord so maybe Edwin will show up, and in through the door he bursts. At this point it had been explained to my doctor that he was at a movie. First sentence out of my doctors mouth to Edwin? "Was it a good movie?"

He looks embarrassed, says "she said I could stay. she said I had time" and cuts the cord.

I take my son to nurse him and am so incredibly happy. He was 8lbs 4oz 21in and born August 4th. (We still crack up he was 8 4 on 8/4) I told my OB he heard August 4th, he already had it written in and he'd be darn if he was going to change his plans because the hospital couldn't induce that day. He self induced!

The next day I'm sitting up, dressed in clothes, alert and eating like a horse. My doctor says she's never seen someone bounce back from labor so fast.

He had a lump on his head from hitting my pelvis and I have a bruised tailbone because he was big.

My doctors parting advice is next time I have a baby, I should live in the hospital for the 9th month. 8 hours from first contraction to baby with my first, 1 1/2 hours with my second, the third will likely be in a bobsled!

Two birth stories. Two completely different experiences. Two beautiful children

As for my best friend/labor coach for both births? She swears if I get pregnant again, she's taking her niece and spending a year in Guam.

Lori's Birth Story

2008-03-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

So today is the day when we share all the way our children entered our lives. Since I have two children I decided to do two entries. This one will be all about my oldest child, Lori, who is now 6 1/2.

After nine months of vomiting every time anything came near my mouth and being on bed rest for 4 months due to elevated blood pressure July 10th came.

The night before I had been on the couch watching tv as normal and at around 9 pm I suddenly became exhausted. Ordinarily after a whole day of doing nothing, I had problems sleeping. But that night, I was ready for bed. I could barely keep my eyes open. So I went to bed. I slept until around 9:30 the next morning and when I got up to go use the bathroom, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen that didn't feel like my normal braxton-hicks contractions . I figured I needed to drink something and went downstairs to get some. Still more contractions. So I called my best friend and birth coach and told her "don't make plans, I think I may be in labor" She found out if I needed her to come get me now and after talking decided we'd wait until my scheduled OB appt. for 3:30 that afternoon.

By the time of my appt. my contractions are pretty regular. I go in and they take my blood pressure and have me lay down. My doctor comes in and asks if I'm stressed or anything, I say "No but I think I'm in labor" she said "oh, well why don't we check you" she sounded very doubting.

Well she checked and I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced so I was sent to the hospital, which was conveniently next door. I was admitted and taken upstairs to the labor area. I was strapped in and was told my the nurse I was admitted not for my labor, but because my blood pressure was at seizure level. Not a good thing.

I lay very still while my body contracts. No walking around, no using a ball, nothing. Lay there and deal. Then the doctor on call here after referred to as Dr. Numskull. He came in and informed me, not asked, informed me he would be breaking my water because I wasn't laboring fast enough. He broke my water and my pain went from ow, to owholyhelllthebaby'scuttingit'swayout. The nurse was very helpful and helped me remember how to breathe and gave me something to take the edge off. She said I needed to stay as calm and relaxed as possible so I wouldn't have to have the Magnisum Sulfate during labor, because it can cause respiratory distress in the baby. It was enough to keep me focused on things other than labor pains, because really? Do you know you can feel the back of your head on the inside? It's very trippy. And something good to think about instead of your uterus trying to self destruct.

So after he breaks my water Dr. Numskull says he has a meeting, he'll be back to check on me in a couple hours, don't worry you're a first time mom it'll take a while.
The whole time I'm telling him not to leave. But he does. And about 15-20 minutes later, I inform the nurse I have to push. She says "oh I'm sure it's just some pressure, you don't need to push yet" Well turns out, I was 9 1/2 inches, so I was pretty ready to push. I wait a few more minutes to finish dilating and start pushing. One push, everyone scramble to get ready for baby. Two pushs, still no doctor. Three pushes, nurse catches the head basically by luck alone, as she had turned to grab a blanket and saw her head was nearly all the way out. Then Dr. Numskull rushes in, grabs gloves, and comes over. Everyone is telling me not to push, my body is pushing against my will. Dr. Numskull turns her shoulders and poof there's a baby girl. He places her on my stomach haphazardly. She starts to slip off my stomach so the nurse at my side picks her up a 1/4 inch and moves her to center on my stomach. My daughter kicks and the umbilical cord is wrapped around her foot and it breaks. Blood goes EVERYWHERE! The nurse is trying to grab the baby's umbilical cord the doctor is screaming "Clamp it Clamp it" and all around panicking. She clamps and Dr. Numskull starts screaming at her "You never pull the baby you stupid fucking bitch, you never pull the baby!" This in front of her peers, my mother, myself, my best friend. They take Lori to see if she's ok and clean her up.

Dr. Numskull informs me I've torn and will need stitches. He proceeds despite me telling him repeatedly that I am not numbed by the shot he gave and basically sweat it out until he's done . That hurt more than labor.

Then they brought this tiny little 6lb 14oz 20in long person who looked completely bewildered by what had just gone on and she latched right away. I was exhausted and sore and completely detached from this little person.

It took until I was off the blood pressure drugs for me to bond with her and name her.

But now she's my little girl, who wants badly to become a little woman.

Mommy's Mourning

2008-03-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

So recently Edwin and I have been discussing taking David's crib out and putting a mattress on the floor. He kept rolling off his crib turned toddler bed, and it would be handy to have another twin mattress when my step-daughter comes to stay. So last night I decide I'm going to go ahead and take his crib apart. I went in removed the mattress and the dust ruffle, and just looked at it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't take his crib apart. I couldn't end that part of his babyhood. I went back to the living room and told Edwin I couldn't do it. I explained that we'd have to wait longer. So he brought in the twin size mattress and laid it on the living room floor. David went nuts. He loved it. He thought it was great. He was bouncing on it, laying on it, stepping off it, and all around loving it. Then he went in and helped me take apart the crib.

I cried and cried and cried. It feels like he isn't my baby anymore. I mourned this stage of his growing up like nothing before in my life.

I never had to deal with this with my daughter because we co-slept until she was four. By that time I was more than ready for her to have her own room! But I'm not ready for him to be older.
If I had my way we'd go back to when he wanted snuggles and nursing all day.

I think it's made more difficult by the fact that he's my last baby. I want more, but Edwin doesn't. So this is really the end. This is it. No more baby. He's officially a big boy.

My boobies are broken

2008-03-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

When I saw the opportunity to write my breastfeeding stories I was ecstatic. So many Mommy's go through a similar situation as mine, but no one talks about it.

I never thought about breast vs bottle. I always assumed I would breast feed because that's what moms do. Thats why we have breasts.

So after laboring and birthing my first child, Lori, they put her to my breast and she latched right away perfectly. I was so excited. There's something indescribable about having your child at your breast. We were in the hospital for a week(because of me, not her) and I nursed. She was a champ. She did so well. Then the ~~devil worshiping spawn of Satan~~ Lactation Consultant came in to ~~make things worse~~ help. She said her latch was wrong, her suck was weak, I held her wrong, ect, ect, ect. After all that, my daughter's latch hurt my breast and she sucked ALL THE TIME. She came back and told me again how much better things looked and kept touching my breast and nipple without even asking. I explained how much her latch hurt now and was informed "That isn't pain, that's pressure and the sucking, you'll get used to it." She had no explanation for why it hadn't hurt previously.
So at the end of our 6 days, we went home. I continued nursing on demand, which equaled all the time. She had to nurse to sleep, comfort, everything. It wasn't about hunger, it was comfort. And it was exhausting. I ate like I was supposed to and took it easy. I was just devoted to her needs. Her first check up they told me she wasn't gaining weight like they'd like. The ped. reviews what I should be eating and sends me home. I continue nursing on demand. I eat even more in an attempt to get as much good stuff into her as possible. We go back in for a check up, she's still underweight. Ped. recommends supplementing with formula.
I cry but start offering formula after nursing and she CHUGS it down. She was nursing all the time because she was starving. On the advice of the Lactation nurse at my ped. office, I pump a feeding session worth of milk and put it in the fridge. I call her after it's sat there for a few hours and she asks if it's separated while in the fridge. I explain it has. She asks how much fat is at the top of the bottle of milk. I told her a thin layer, with a hole in the middle. I bring a sample in to her to see for herself because she's sure I've misunderstood. There was not nearly enough fat in my milk, she declares, and lectures me about eating enough to feed my child. I saw red but left. So my daughter now nearly a month old is formula exclusive because my milk stopped. I still pumped and nursed, but it stopped. I never even had engorgement.
After I stopped nursing her, we went camping with friends(it was warm she's a summer baby) one of my friends mother is an RN. While feeding my daughter a bottle, my friends mother comments "Well we didn't have options when I had my children, we couldn't just decide to not breast feed." I encountered more of this for the next 6 months or so. People judging me and telling me I just "didn't try hard enough" to nurse. Because it was clearly a choice I made for convince, not so my child wouldn't STARVE to death.
With Infamil with Iron, she was constipated and projectile vomiting with it. I went to several doctors who said she was fine, it was normal. Until she started losing weight. Then they took me more seriously. And she'd scream. She'd scream with tummy aches, scream because it hurt to poop, everything. And no one would help be help her. Those were the worst 6 months of my life. Thankfully she outgrew it.

When I became pregnant with my son 5 years later, I decided I was going to try again and this time I would succeed. I read everything I could get my hands on. I researched the ideal breast feeding diet. I did everything I could think of. When my son was born and they gave him to me I put him right to my breast and he latched, sucked twice, and fell asleep. This was a trend we'd encounter often. He was just a sleepy baby. So I'd stroke his cheek and make him wake up and eat. He ate well and I was happy. This time when ~~the devil worshiping spawn of Satan~~ the Lactation Consultant came to "help" I told her I had had a baby, he was nursing fine, and please don't touch me. She left but came back at least 4 times to make me allow her to "help". I told her it didn't hurt, he was eating and sleeping fine, so f*ck off. Ok not exactly the last part, but I made it clear I think. And we go home. I feel great, I have a HUGE appetite and am eating and logging everything I eat. He's nursing well and sleeping well. We go to his first checkup and they weigh him. He hasn't even made his birth weight yet. Ped. sends us to the Lactation Nurse in his office. She doesn't believe me when I tell her I am eating healthy, extra calories, and nursing on demand because "clearly if that were the case, he'd be putting on weight wouldn't he". Lactation people are horrible bi*ches. I bring out my food log and breast feeding log(I learned!) and showed her them. She said she just didn't understand. I explained about last time, the lack of fat in my milk, ect. She says she's never seen anything like it. We switch the little man to formula. First it's Infamil with Iron. He goes through the same thing his sister does. He vomits, he has constipation, he screams. I ignore my ped. about formula and put him on this new(ie. wasn't around when my daughter was born) formula Infamil Gentle Ease. He puts on weight and feels great. He's a happy baby.
I encountered the same criticism about not breast feeding. I was told my child wouldn't be bonded to me if I didn't nurse. I was told I didn't love my child enough to sacrifice perky breasts(heh yeah right). People are so judgmental. I've had people tell me that it isn't that I "couldn't" breast feed it was that I didn't try hard enough. I'm sure if I had just put a little more effort into breast feeding my boobs would have magically complied.

I can't explain how lacking I feel/felt. What kind of woman can't feed her baby?? What good are boobs if you can't feed a child with them?? I can get pregnant like no ones business(I got pregnant both times on an oops and one time oops), I can push out a baby in no time flat(first one 8 hours start to finish, second one 1 hr 45 minutes) but I can't feed them. And people don't help when they judge me. I started talking to people and found out this isn't uncommon. My mother couldn't nurse my brother or me. My good friend couldn't nurse her daughter, her mother couldn't nurse her or her sister. All the same reason. So I wasn't the only one, but other mommys will make you feel that way.

Bottle feeding Mommy and proud of it. I have two beautiful, healthy, smart children who don't suffer at all from being on formula instead of breast milk.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

2008-02-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

Why on earth do people feel the need to be cruel? I mean, they're so judgmental. They see someone and judge them on sight.
Today at Rite Aid, as I was waiting in line to pay for an item, the guy in front of me was buying a cup-a-noodles. From what I overheard, it sounded like he was cents short like 33 cents. I happened to have some change in my pocket so, having been there myself, I offered it to him. I didn't think anything about it as I considered it one of those "random acts of kindness" things. Just like if a meter is out when I'm walking by, I'll drop a coin in, if I have one.
Well the woman behind the counter, who was already being rude and impatient, says to the man "And now you need to leave the store. We don't allow soliciting in our store." I looked at the man again and realized he's likely homeless. I told the woman, who saw the whole damn thing, that he didn't ask for it, I offered because I would have for anyone who had been short. She completely ignored me demanding that the man leave. The man offered to give me the change back, and the woman continued telling him he had to leave and was no longer welcome in the store. I tried talking to the manager about it, but he ignored me.
And as the man was escorted from the store, he stopped and handed me the change, and said "Thanks anyways." I just kept telling him how sorry I was. I had NO IDEA that he would be thrown out for that. How can someone take me being helpful as this man asking for money. When I first offered, he said no, then saw the line, and said thank you. He didn't ask for it, he didn't want to take it and that B*tch threw him out!!! I'm so freaking mad. I just can't believe it! Don't worry, I'll be calling management until someone listens.

Tuesday is picture day!

2008-02-26T12:19:00.000-08:00

Hope you all remembered to fix your hair! I always forgot picture day. Which may explain why there aren't any school pictures at my mothers. Hmm.. Something to be considered.
So here are some pictures of my family.

Here's my little man. He had curls curls everywhere.

Now, no curls. I was a little sad. So we're going to let him grow his curls back!

And my darling daughter and her gaps. She's lost 5 teeth so far!

All three of my kids. From left to right there is my step daughter Michelle, my son David, and my daughter Lori. Hopefully in a couple weeks I'll have more recent pictures of everyone to share!

My significant other, Edwin, and our son David. Look how styling they are.

And, because if I don't post one of me, Edwin will be cranky here's the most recent picture of me.

So there you go. The family, a posting, and I'm off the hook to write until tomorrow.

Hope you all have a fantastic day!

It's been awhile

2008-02-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I posted, I know, but things have happened. Like life. That seems to consistently get in the way.
I've had two sick kids and a sick husband. Ok, I guess I've really had three sick kids.
Men are such big babies.
We mom's get sick and we have to muscle on. We've got the stomach flu and are throwing up frequently but we still have to get the kids off to school and make meals. But our men get sick and they get to lay in bed and whine all day. Where's the justice in that?
Anyway, so we've had ear infections, stomach flu, bronchitis, and the common cold. It's been a rough little while.
Just wanted anyone who possibly reads this to know, I'm not dead, just busy. I'll post a real post soon. Maybe tonight if I have the energy. If not, maybe tomorrow...or next week. It could really go either way at this point.

When your body joins the rest of the world in kickin' your butt

2008-02-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

After reading Lotus' post I decided to post about my medical issues. Might as well air the dirty laundry now and let y'all know I'm crazy now.

While I was pregnant with my daughter, I began having some muscle weakness in my hips and thighs. The doctors assured me that it was a normal part of the third trimester and not to worry. So I didn't. Well, after she was born, the weakness didn't go away. I was assured if I just gave it more time, things would be fine. Well, when she was about three months old, I fell down the stairs carrying her. I knew then that this wasn't something that was going to "go away" and that something was seriously wrong.

I went to my optometrist for a normal eye exam and during the examination he discovered that I was having double vision. I had had it for so long, I hadn't noticed. My optometrist suspected that perhaps I had a tumor on the back of my eye and sent me to my primary care physician with a letter from him stating what was wrong with my vision and what he suspected was causing it.

My primary care doctor disregarded my optometrists findings, and tried to diagnose me himself. I was put through the joy of an MRI on my neck to rule out a herniated disk. After some fighting between my doctor and optometrist I was finally sent in for an MRI on my head to make sure there was no tumor.

There wasn't. So I was sent to a neurologist. My first neurologist was a dimwitted jerk. He spent most of his time in the exam quizzing me about birth control and sex. See, I was single. I was on birth control for heavy periods and regulation of periods. But, I was on birth control, so when I said I wasn't currently sexually active, I was lying. Cause, you know, only whores go on birth control. After arguing about whether or not I was lying about my sexual activity(which what does that have to do with double vision and muscle weakness?!?) he informed me it was all in my head and nothing was wrong with me. Right.. So I marched myself immediately over to my PCP office and informed him he would be referring me for a second opinion. He hesitated and tried very hard to sway me to thinking I didn't need a second opinion, but finally relented just to get me out of his office.

My second neurologist, I worship her. She was awesome! I wish I could pack her up and take her everywhere with me. She spent about ten minutes listening to why I came in and performed a simple test with her pen and was pretty sure she had it figured out. I'm sorry, did you catch that? TEN MINUTES! DID A TEST WITH HER WRITING INSTRUMENT!! See why she rocks?

So some blood work and an IV injected drug later we had a positive diagnosis. Ok, really that happened over the course of a week, but still. So anyway, I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. Which, long story short, is where your antibodies get confused and attack your muscle receptors(that's what gets the signal from your brain to move).

So I had to go get a chest CT. Which showed a nice growth on my Thymus and some nicely enlarged lymph nodes.

That meant I got to go in and have a thymectomy which is where they open your chest and remove your thymus. At this point I was 19. Kind of a lot to take in. I had been dealing with this for nearly a year. I know this because I had my surgery early enough so that I would be able to be active in my daughters upcoming 1st birthday party.

I was fortunate in all of this because they growth on my thymus, wasn't cancerous as they had feared. Score 1 for me!

So, after the thymectomy my symptoms largely resolved and I've been in remission for a very long time.

However, other things have kicked my butt since then. Like depression. I've had issues with depression since high school. But with adulthood, came more severe depression. Maybe that isn't the best term. Perhaps not more severe, just different. I have good days and bad days.

To help make me less crazy I stopped birth control, because my body was going insane, which was making me insane. I also went and saw my doctor and explained how the crazy was leaking out of me and coating my family in anger, unhappiness, and despair. I was giving my family everything that was going on inside me. Not a very nice gift.

So with the pills and the wonderful support of my family, and even more so my significant other, Edwin I've been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I forget my meds sometimes. Not because I don't think I need them, but because I'm horrible with pills! I have a timer set on my phone now and Edwin reminds me. He reminds me because without them, I have trouble getting out of bed, I yell at the kids, I hate who I am, don't want to be with him anymore, and fight with him non-stop. Yeah, I get pleasant.

But he helps keep me on track and is patient when I'm crying and angry for no reason what-so-ever and it's all his fault, even though he's been home about two minutes. He's brave. Or crazy. It could go either way.

But I do ok now. I'm in remission, I am getting help with getting my depression and mood swings, and one day, maybe they'll find a way to cure either of my problems. That'd be nice. I think, had I a choice, I'd pick the depression. Not because it's worse than Myasthenia Gravis, but because it effects so many people. People I know, other that I don't. That could be the best possible thing to find a cure for. It would make SO many peoples lives SO much better.

So those of you out there who are budding bio-chemists, work on that.

I love starting my day this way

2008-02-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

So this morning we started our day in my most favorite way...we woke up late. And not like darn I overslept ten minutes kind of oversleep. Like I try and wake up around 6-6:30, and I woke up at 7:38! I watch Edwin hop out of bed and run to the shower, while I lay there wondering why he bothers rushing. He takes an hour long shower. I'm sure rushing to jump in really helped speed things up.

Anyway, back to my story, I go out in the living room to start getting the day going, and Lori is sitting on the couch watching tv. At least she was dressed and ready for school. She even had her shoes on.

That was a plus, so all I had to do was get me ready. Having already asked Edwin if he wanted a ride to work(no) I knew I only had to get comfy enough for housework and a trip up the driveway to the bus stop. Seems pretty simple to me. Of course, I get back in from taking Lori to catch the bus, and Edwin has decided I better take him. *sigh* So I get David up and dressed and loaded into the car.

All morning David had been in a foul mood, really whiney. Which is GREAT cause who doesn't love a cranky baby?? And we get Edwin to work and on the way back home, David vomits those two sippy cups of milk he had this morning back up all over his car seat and self.

Have you ever actually SMELLED vomited milk?? It's nasty.. Like it was 38 degrees out and I had the windows down on the highway. BLECK!

So we get home, I carry his entire car seat in, put it in the tub, and hose him down. Then down for nap he goes.

Edwin IM's me and informs me that his contact has ripped and can I bring him another. With no car seat and a sleeping baby. Thankfully, my neighbor had nothing to do and was willing to watch him.

And now, now I have to go and ad-lib dinner. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to get up. I should have slept the day away. Probably would have been simpler.

Welcome

2008-02-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog. I will chronicle life with children and a spouse. It's hard, now I'm going to share it with you!