Mommy's Mourning

So recently Edwin and I have been discussing taking David's crib out and putting a mattress on the floor. He kept rolling off his crib turned toddler bed, and it would be handy to have another twin mattress when my step-daughter comes to stay. So last night I decide I'm going to go ahead and take his crib apart. I went in removed the mattress and the dust ruffle, and just looked at it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't take his crib apart. I couldn't end that part of his babyhood. I went back to the living room and told Edwin I couldn't do it. I explained that we'd have to wait longer. So he brought in the twin size mattress and laid it on the living room floor. David went nuts. He loved it. He thought it was great. He was bouncing on it, laying on it, stepping off it, and all around loving it. Then he went in and helped me take apart the crib.

I cried and cried and cried. It feels like he isn't my baby anymore. I mourned this stage of his growing up like nothing before in my life.

I never had to deal with this with my daughter because we co-slept until she was four. By that time I was more than ready for her to have her own room! But I'm not ready for him to be older.
If I had my way we'd go back to when he wanted snuggles and nursing all day.

I think it's made more difficult by the fact that he's my last baby. I want more, but Edwin doesn't. So this is really the end. This is it. No more baby. He's officially a big boy.