Not much to say lately. Having some emotional healing right now. Will post some pictures of the kids from Christmas soon.
Today the family and I went to get a tree.

After using a small fake tree the last few years I insisted on a real tree for this one. David is old enough to enjoy all of it.

So we went to a local farm about 10 miles away from us and it had SO many trees. Most of the other farms around here had small lots, but this one was huge! It was family owned and there were giant St. Brenards. They also had an old fashioned train set the kids could drive. The kids were in love with the place. Unfortunately it was also -400 outside. It was SO cold. Numb hands, faces, toes. Frozen ground. It was sunny but COLD!

After tromping around for eliventybillion years an hour or better we found what seemed like the perfect tree...except it was 10ft then we found a less perfect tree that was shorter. So by then, the kids were frozen and whining, and so we chopped it down and had the guy help us haul it to the shaker and bailer. After sending it through the bailer(baler?) it was HUGE compared to the other trees waiting to be claimed. I looked at Edwin and he looked at me. We got the tag and found out it was 8 feet tall! So...that 10fter we bypassed was probaly much larger.

We payed for it and then went to put it and those crabby kids in the car. When what to my wondering eyes does appear? A tiny toddler holding protest at the trunk in the rear. Ok, that's cheesy, but it did happen. My 3 year old son declared that under no circumstances was that tree coming home with us. It needed to go back in the field right now! So we put him in his carseat and tried putting our large tree in the trunk. I say tried because we failed. It was wider than our trunks opening. So after some fighting and doubt, I tied it to the roof.

Edwin of course was still annoyed I'd talked him into such a large tree and continued to expound on the largeness all the way home. Probably next Christmas he'll require we get one off a lot or go back to our 4 1/2ft fake one. Oh well, it's worth it!

We got it home in one piece and cut the stump and stuck it in the holder. Then we bought more lights, because an 8ft tall 5ft wide tree needs a lot of lights. By this evening the tree was sparsly decorated and all lit up. I say sparsly because we just don't have enough to cover this tree. It's just an excuse to make decorations. I plan to make a paperchain and a popcorn chain as well as printing out some pictures to make ornaments. We'll fill the tree in no time.

So, after putting it up and joking about cutting the baling(bailing?) being a sceen from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Thankfully it happened in a less dramatic fashion.

We have to find a tree topper but otherwise we're done. Thank goodness!
Today I turned the Pandora station to Christmas Music and dug up the box of decorations. I was surprised, as I am every year, that I only have a single box of decor. I mean, really?? We need to get with the family making homemade decorations thing.

So as I'm unpacking the box, I'm hanging things. Pretty much putting them up in the same order they came down. So the first thing to go up is my tinsel and multicolored light strand that I wrap around our banister every year.

This year, David is old enough to get into christmas. He watched my drag it out and plug it in so I could begin replacing bulbs and untangling it. He instantly fell in love. He declared them "his colors" and that he loved them. He just stands looking at them like they're the best thing ever.

When I set up our tiny fake tree with it's lights, he had a similar response. He came downstairs and gasped and pointed "What's that?!"

I love this stage. When they start noticing all the pretty lights and decorations that go up this time of year. I wish I could have kids forever just to repeat this stage. Where christmas and birthdays become something they 'get'.

I've got plans for making ornaments this year with the kids. Perhaps we'll make several and send them to grandparents. Who doesn't want a felt covered picture decoration? I know that the time I have to do things like this with the kids is limited. So this year, I hope to do it all. Gingerbread houses, baking cookies for Santa, making ornaments, ect.

I want my children to have warm fuzzy memories about xmas and family time like I do of my childhood. There are many things I can't give my children, especially this year, but I can give them happy memories and love. And at the end of the day, that's what matter most.
So Mrs. Flinger is hosting a challenge called {W}rites of Passage. Because I'm SO qualified, I thought I'd take the challenge. At the very least it'll get me posting, right?

So today's challenge is Embarrassing Moments. I'll have to reach some because I rarely embarrass myself. It's not like I'm clumsy like the day is long or say things that I shouldn't. I'd never do anything like that.

Now, after some digging I remembered dumping tomato soup on my lovely new white blue jeans. I remember some period horror in Jr. High.

By far though my most embarrassing memory is being busted for being where I shouldn't. I was a teen, though barely, and Jo, my best friend in the whole wide world, was two years older.

As an adult, two years isn't a huge deal, but as a teen? HUGE. FREAKING. DEAL. Not to mention I had a big ol' crush on her older brother.

So, back to the story. I got permission from my father to stay the night with my best friend, Jo, but was told to go directly to her house(two blocks away) and call when I got there. Well I got there and Jo suggested going to a popular teen hang out where the owners were lax about the rules. They would look the other way while we played the juke box, played pool, and smoked. The ultimate of cool at that age. Of course, we headed directly there.

Anyone catch what I forgot to do?? Oh yeah, call my father.

So after hanging out and rocking out to Black Velvet, I see my father drive by. I immediately left my perch on the bar stool and slunk to the ground. Nothing suspicious about that right?

In walks my father, with my little brother in tow, and he spots me and stomps across the room.

Now, at this point, I'll tell you that my father was a police officer. He no longer worked there, but he was remembered. Everyone gave him a wide berth. He came over and yelled "ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?!" To which I replied "No, I purse. See?" Holding up the purse that hadn't left my shoulder all night. He yanked me up so fast my teeth slammed together and threw me over his shoulder.

At this point, the floor could have opened up and swallowed me at any point, and that'd have been fine with me. But no, life doesn't work that way. I glanced up to see Jo wave bye and the oh-so-hot brother and his oh-so-hot friends laughing at me.

I'm actually feeling a little embarrassed right now just remembering. I never went back there or forgot to call my father ever again. Not that I was let out of his sight for ages, but you know, once I could, I called without fail. Lesson learned, Dad, lesson learned.

This last weekend we went to Edwin's mothers to visit. My nephew Joey was in town so we let the cousins play together.

My previously tense relationship with my MIL has eased remarkably. We're actually bordering on friends. I don't know what changed but I'm not going to look the gift horse in the mouth.

I was still suffering from a cold this weekend, had a wicked cough. So after not sleeping all Saturday night, I got up and took some Nyquil. When I looked at the clock on my way back to bed I saw it was 6am! Flippin' daylight savings! So I slept and slept and stumbled around drunk, and slept some more. I was out of it ALL day.

The kids had a blast together which was nice. They always enjoy one another's company. They ran around and made the house sound like it was full of elephants so I'm sure MIL and her dog were glad when everyone left.

Lori's been doing her new school for a week and seems to like it so far. She's doing well I think but I'll cop to not fully getting it in the minute details but hope to find the rest out as I go. Still have some tutorials to go through.

The holidays are rapidly approaching and I have no plans in place. Thanksgiving will be just another day. Perhaps we'll get REAL festive and get chinese take out.

Today I heard that there was flood watch and wind advisory for our town. The first thing that struck me? A song. "It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...." Pacific Northwest winter you are a predictable bitch.
So today I'm feeling much better, but to put that in perspective yesterday I laid on the couch and made Lori help with David. And of course by "help" I mean do it all. I was one sick puppy. The kids had sandwiches for lunch and dinner because Edwin was at work. Today I'm slowly putting the house back to rights. A single sick day for mom means a destroyed house. Thus far I've caught up on dishes(you wouldn't think there'd be so many since there was no cooking) swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed, and put the slip cover back on our couch after washing it.

Which brings up the second part of this title. When I lifted up the couch to secure the slip cover I saw a HUGE crack down the middle of our front support in our couch. So now we have to try and find a new one. *sigh* Don't know how we'll do that.

See?? One day with Mom off the clock and the whole house falls apart.

So I have to go back to cleaning the house up and child wrangling but thought I'd update since I hadn't in forever.

Done, all done! Thank heavens. Kids look cute, I'm proud of my work. And I'll post pics of the post sugar high tomorrow!

Halloween is almost here. Got two of my three costumes done. Here's David's. Need to take photo's of Lori's and started on Michelle's. I never want to sew again. I'm loving the creativity of it but it's exhausting. At least the kids look stinkin' cute!

Back on my pills after stopping for a week. Man, that was a rough week. So angry. So, clearly going to have to stay on these forever. That's a hard realization.

In other news, I got to see the cutest little cousin EVER! Wish I had a picture to post(hint hint mom).

So, I'm surfing the web while I SHOULD be sewing. I cleaned the house pretty well the other day so that's less of a concern but Halloween is coming fast and I have 3 costumes to sew! And a table runner. Ugh! I need a tv in my sewing room so I can sew my fingers.. sheesh..

So, to recap: need pills, am procrastinating, cute expanding family, queen of bad ideas.
I've had depression my entire life. I've done therapy for YEARS without getting better. I'm still over anxious, still sure everyone is looking at me and judging me. Everything said is a criticism. But mostly and most difficult to deal with is the not sadness, hopelessness. Depression is, for me at least, a vast sea of hopelessness.

Its nothing I can swim through, climb out of. It's all encompassing and drowns me. I'll pull myself out of bed but doing anything beyond the basics is more than I can do. I feed my children but not myself, bathe them but not me. I meet their needs but when I'm down, we'll all watch tv for days. No park, no crafts, play together for a while. Not the mommy I want to be.

So yesterday I started my Prozac again. It the only thing thats ever made me feel more like I imagine normal feels like. No snapping, no yelling, no wallowing in my own filth, no overwhelming fear over everything. Better. Everyone notices. Lori even asked me to go back on my 'more patience pills'.

I had been doing ok without them I thought, but a recent loss of a baby pushed me out on a precarious limb where I didn't feel secure at all. I'm better everyday but this will help.

When I'm in a more stable mood I think of things like working. About having a preschool/child care center in my home. How much I'd love to have all those children around, teaching them how to count and funny songs. I'd love to do that, but I never will. Because I know one day I'll feel better and stop my pills. And I'll snap and yell and fear and become overwhelmed and those children will become acquainted with Disney. It isn't fair to my children so I won't inflict it on anyone elses. Yet I daydream. I mentioned my thoughts of childcare to Edwin. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, perhaps sprouted two heads.

He said some days he thinks I'm going to kill the kids I have. So, I dream and know I can't. That's life. Maybe one day I'll find a passion I can follow.

So as all my (1) readers know, Monday is my birthday.

So far I've gotten an offer to babysit(though I may have misunderstood what was said) and a book with gift cards tucked in(Thanks Rodney!).

We'll see if anyone else remembers. My family is famous for being spacey!

So Elizabeth(read Edwin's baby mama) has a chance to get tickets to the OSU game on Saturday afternoon and we would LOVE to go, problem is, it's 2 tickets. So we have to find a sitter if we want to go(hello above offer?). And we have to know tonight, so perhaps this won't work out but I'm keeping fingers crossed.

I would love to be there shouting at the players and the ref's.. Oooooo Ssssss Uuuuuu Oregon State FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. David would love going too, every Saturday he watches with his father "my football. I watch my football."

Yes, my kiddo totally talks in lowercase.
Ah life, I've heard since a small child you aren't fair, and I'd like to tell you that you suck.

Recently I feel you've been kicking me when I'm down.

We've been considering buying a house for a while now, off and on. Edwin won't even consider going to the bank for a pre-approval letter to see what we're offered. I tell him it's not a commitment, it's just information, but...he's him.I've found this beautiful house for $175,000 4 bedroom, 1910 farm house, 3 stories, detached garage that appears to have been a small barn. Fenced yard, quite neighborhood. I'm in lust and he agrees it might be perfect and I was able to get 'anonymous' loan quotes based on info we provided but we don't understand what half of it means and he wants to know if we get them, but then not do anything about them. The payment estimate is slightly higher than our rent, which really? why should we pay someone else's mortgage?

In other news the kids are doing well. David is growing and learning, well...I'm trying to teach, he's resisting learning. A lot. We tried A makes the 'ah ah' sound like ah ah apple and he FLIPPED OUT saying it wasn't 'ah ah apple just APPLE' and over and over and over..we never moved past that. So I need to find other teaching methods. He's so literal he's going to be tough.

We checked into tutoring for Lori but the costs are SO prohibitive. Don't know what we'll do. Maybe check ad's for a less spendy private tutor? Doesn't answer the issues of testing.

Thought I'd update since I hadn't in forever. I'll leave you with a cute picture:

David and his portrait entitled "Haha got your camera mom"
So last weekend we decided to take the kids to the coast to force knowledge down their throats have a good time. We went to see the ship wreck of the Peter Iredale that wrecked in 1906. It looked like this after it's crash.

This is what it looked like this weekend. The kids could have cared less what it was or why it was there. They just played in the sand and surf for a couple hours.

After the beach, we went to the Ft. Steven's state park. Specifically we went to their military museum. We lucked out and they had some people who were doing a reenactment of a naval landing party. I don't recall what ship specifically but it was neat. We got to see a practice cannon loading.

And learned that girls had a position in the navy at that time. 7-8 year old children were used as 'powder monkeys' in the ships because the ships were so small. People would bring their children when they couldn't care for them. The girls would work and send money home and would leave the military able to read, write, have manners, ect. and could make a good match above their class. The boys would do the same but had the opportunity to become captians. We learned that Admrial David Glasgow Farragut, who famously said "Damn the torpedos, full steam ahead!" in the Battle of Mobile Bay, became the captain of his own ship at the tender age of 12 years old.

They also had a jeep from WWII(I believe) that the kids could play in. The girls would duck and fire out the back while David bravely drove on. The girls would yell "DUCK!!" and David would look around and say "There's no duck." He was very confused!

Lori learned to spin yarn. She had trouble getting the rythem down. Heel, toe, heel, toe.

Well in all fairness, she just somehow did it wrong cause it kept going the wrong direction, so maybe the wrong order? Toe heel toe heel.. She got to bring home some wool.

David's favorite time was behind the wheel of the Jeep. We must have gone back to that thing 3 times or better. He was a wild driver, making sharp turns and rapid direction changes.

Though I guess he would have avoided being shot. All in all we had fun. The kids got some sun but Mom got burned(shock!). Even Edwin seemed to enjoy exploring stuff. We hope to go back for the Civil War reenactment over Labor Day.

Edwin went to go visit with friends today. He's down in Lebanon and I'm here. He left the car for me, which is nice, and he deserves some down time because he's been working so much. Heck, he's even going to be working while he's there.

But a Saturday without him, I find I'm lonely. Incredibly lonesome. There had been talk of a couple friends coming to visit but it's not worked out. I clearly need to find friends or a hobby or something. The desire to call him and ask if we can come down is overwhelming. It's like an empty place in my chest. A physical longing.

Sad, how many other people get like this? I'm guessing not many. I need a life.

8 years since you came into my life. 8 years of growing up together. 8 years of change and strife. I think we're stronger for it. My first born child. The first love of my life.

Happy Birthday Baby. I'm so glad you chose me for your mommy.
I was listening to an Ambien commercial tonight and heard that one of the 'side effects' was 'being aggressively normal'...... What does that even mean??
Oh gracious, how could I have forgotten how a period without hormones feels?? Maybe it's like childbirth and the memories become fuzzy.

I lost my IUD last weekend so I'm hormone free. My body is not loving this. I did some research about post IUD bleeding and it seems I may have a long row to hoe.. Fun! Some women have been in the ER from blood loss. Thankfully that isn't the case here, but it certainly gave me pause!

While lying on my couch dying, my darling David has been very good with snuggles, hugs, and keeping himself occupied! My little girl is less forgiving. She is very demanding. Different kids different personalities. By 5pm I was ready to beat her if she asked to go outside or play on the computer one more time! Which, can I say, she stopped playing on because she deleted a program from my desktop!

Oh children you are my challenge.

The kids found out that Michelle is coming on Saturday and are psyching themselves up. I know they'll have fun but gracious it'll be busy!!

Still haven't heard from Lori's Dad about summer visitation. Not sure how that will pan out.

In other news, I'm going to try selling Avon.. So here's my site, come buy product!

To help lessen our impact on the world we've taken the following steps:

1) Use organic cleaners when ever possible. Our favorites right now are Clorox Greenworks.

Their products work just as well for me. I am also able to replace the glass cleaner, bathroom cleaner, and toilet bowl cleaner by just using a spray bottle with the 'Natural Dilutable' cleaner in a spray bottle mixed per directions.

2) Seems like a given, but many people don't do this. We RECYCLE.
We reuse when we can, recycle when we can't. When we are able to, we'll also compost. If you recycle, reuse, and compost, there is little that goes to the landfill. Every two weeks(when our recycling is picked up) our recycling is over flowing, but each week our garbage can contains only one or two bags. That's for 5 people.

3) We take short showers. I shower in about ten minutes, 15 if I take my toddler in with me. By sharing the shower, I'm saving the 20 minute bath he'll take later that always turns to shower for the rinse. My 8 year olds have strict time limits for showering. No sitting under the water playing.

4) This summer I'll be drying half or more of my laundry outside. Why use the dryer when it's so darn hot out there? The only thing I wish I had? A bigger drying rack.

5) We microwave whenever possible because it takes less energy than heating up our stove or oven.

What do you do?
For Memorial Day weekend we decided to take the kids to the beach. The first day we ended up being in the car the entire time driving down the coast line looking for the 'perfect' beach. We ended up 151 miles down the coast. Driving home was shorter because we didn't take the round about long way. The kids had fun and we ended up staying in this awful hotel, I bugs, but it was the worst thing I've ever slept in. Ick ick ick Econolodge in Lincoln City. It was the best we could do on a holiday weekend. Everything else was sold out. And the clerk knew it. We paid THROUGH THE NOSE for crap.

But the next day we had good food and played at the beach for hours. We even put on enough sunscreen so no one got burned!

Edwin made castles

Complete with moat. The moat made David insane! He kept trying to fill it in. Before we left for the day, he had to fill in the moat because it 'had a hole, i need fix hole'.. kind of cute but was an irritation for Dad.

David was having fun filling and dumping his bucket. He had even more fun making his sisters scream by destroying their buildings.

Michelle was pretty laid back and was having lots of fun. I couldn't keep her and Lori out of the waves. They both got soaked from the thighs down.

Lori's hair is so fine it doesn't remain in clips or hair ties.. So she was on the beach looking like her mother doesn't love her. But she had fun.. She was doing most of the yelling.

Both of the kids wanted to take home parts of dead things. Crab legs, sand crab carcass, and such.. yuck!!

Hope your Memorial Weekend was awesome!
Today, this woman kicked my butt. Consider me Shredded for the day. I made it 10 minutes into her 30 minute workout before my body would no longer do the moves.

Fun fact, jumping jacks are rough on a post baby body. Have to go to a store today if I want to continue doing the workout but less laundry.

I filmed my son playing with finger paint yesterday. Posted it today on Youtube.

I watch this video and it makes me smile. Wish I'd had a camera when my little girl was a baby/toddler.

Sometimes life goes by so much faster than we can keep track of.

Lori isn't going to her Dad's this weekend. Her little sister was hospitalized for a while because of pneumonia and now is on some kind of medication that suppresses her immune system, so we're being on the safe side. We all know public school is a cesspool of germs. Is that redundant? Cesspool of germs? I'll have to look up the exact definition of cesspool.
Ah, interwebs how I love the public spectacle I can make of myself from my own home.

Like I was saying before I rambled off on my own, we'll have all three kids this weekend. Hopefully we'll do something fun.

Have a good weekend.
Did you know today is Wednesday?! I just realized about ten minutes ago.

My days recently go basically the same, get up, pack Lori's lunch, feed the kids breakfast, send Lori to school and start my day with David.

Today David experienced finger painting. He seemed to like it but didn't care for the gooey hands. He's the only toddler I know that hates being dirty. Especially his hands. So two pieces of artwork and a few pictures of him painting(coming later) and he was ready to call it quits.

He has so much personality and is so different than my first. Some days I wish I could have a hundred more. Other times, like say nap time, I wonder what I was thinking having any..

Such is the life of a mother.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

A tornado has gone through my kids playroom.

So after a week of being sick and basically bedridden, I went to go and check on the kids play room.
Lets just say that Edwin was not very diligent about making sure the kids kept up with their tidying.

I can't believe the mess. I'll be spending the nice weekend indoors playing catch up for the week I was down.

This weekend we've got Michelle and Lori goes to her Dad's. David is excited. He loves Michelle weekends. I suspect he'll be beside himself this summer having both his sisters.

"Mom, I'm hungry." Those words are some that I HATE to hear. Not for reasons other moms hate it. Other moms worry about what they'll feed their kids, where the food or money for food will come from. I hate those words because my daughter can't stop eating.

She eats and eats and eats until her stomach aches. She'll eat more than me. She'll eat several FULL meals a day. She wakes up hungry, she takes a snack for school, she eats a large lunch, she asks for food as soon as she gets home. She will literally eat from the moment she comes in until time for bed. And not like, oh I'll nibble here or there. No. She eats an entire package of crackers, a full bowl of applesauce, left overs, bread, fruit, and then ask for dinner. Then ask for seconds at dinner. Then ask for a pre-bed snack.

I don't know what to do.

Today she came in and went straight for the fridge. I told her no snack because I was making an early dinner tonight. She went upstairs to put her bag away, back down into the fridge "Mom can I have..." NO! I told you no snack, I'll be making dinner soon. "Mom can I have...?" NO go upstairs. "ugh mom I just want a snack I'm SO hungry" and bring on the tears. Which, I'll be honest, piss me off. She's overweight she isn't dying she had a lunch and snack at school, she will be fine for another hour. That it's SO big a deal that there are TEARS over it make me furious.

All the way around I'm so fed up with dealing with her issues. It isn't HER, it's things beyond her control but about her. I'm tired of not having my calls returned, not having insurance for her, not having a clue how to deal with any of it. I'm at the end of my rope.

I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil. I love NyQuil. Man, I love it! I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best thing ever invented. Isn't it, huh? I love the name alone. NyQuil - Capitol N, small Y, big fucking Q! I love that fucking Q, don't you!? What a great advertising idea! Put a huge fucking Q on the box. They'll get high and stare at it. "The Q is talking to me! The Q is talking to me!"

I love NyQuil, man. Because NyQuil has never changed, man. It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. Say hello to Klaus!" NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you! You giant fucking Q!

NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!"

~Dennis Leary "No Cure for Cancer"

Yup, NyQuil, I love you, you giant fucking Q! Last night I took some and was starting to wonder why I wasn't 'feelin' it, then I turned to say something to Edwin and saw tracers. I know not everyone has done enough drugs to see tracers, just imagine it like a bad movie pan. I decided I should go to bed and realized, balance isn't my strong point.

Like just now, less than five minutes ago I took the 'adult' dose of NyQuil and my legs are tingling and my brain is starting to disconnect. I love that floating feelings. I also love being able to sleep without coughing and hacking and dying.

My cold/flu/curly tail has been reduced to a stuffy/runny nose and uncontrolable hacking and coughing. Which of course means I pee my pants. *Don't have kids without plans for bladder sling surgery.* So I cough and pee and pass gas. Boy Edwin got a winner here huh?

LMAO, I totally just lapsed 10 minutes zoning out on Family Matters. Just checked out. Ah we love you, you giant fucking Q.

So in light of that, I'm going to bed to zone in bed.

So today I'm posting to avoid starting my mid-term. We thankfully have a take home. More time to procrastinate!

We are starting our planning and research for homeschooling. I'm at my wits end with the school system and am not going to fight anymore.

Applying again for OHP. Cause I love a good fight.

Have to take David to get his vaccs and a check up. Not to mention everyone needs some dental stuff. Well, not David. He seems to have ok teeth aside from being chipped.

I'm a little concerned about how easily they chip as my fraternal grandfather had 'soft' teeth where they would flake and break. He ended up with dentures early on.

The 'swine flu' is about. None here in Oregon as yet. People flip out over anything. It's just like West Nile and the Bird Flu. This isn't even the first time the swine flu has made the pig to human jump. There have been two others. 1976 at a military base and 1988 in like Ohio or something. Each of them originated at a fair where they had been around pigs. So I feel confident if I keep washing my kids hands, we'll be ok.

um... I suppose that's it. See, not much to update.
Too soon to go, but heaven needed this angel back. The world is better for her presence. Thoughts and prayers to her parents. She smiles down on us.

So it's spring break up here. It's a week full of late nights and bored children. Unfortunately, this year, it's also a week of having a sick man in my house.
Something magical happens when men get sick. They morph from adults who bring home the bacon and are the protectors of the household, to toddlers who need a mommy. They need to be cuddled, cared for, pampered... They whine, oh lordy do they whine, and throw tantrums!
I know I say I want another kid, but I'd like one that isn't 28.
What causes this change? Most women I know get sick and just want to be left alone with the occasional delivery of soup and water. Otherwise, don't look at us. But men, complete opposite. They need you more than a newborn.

So this week, I have three children. I'm listening to an orchestra of sniffles, and whines.

So, as it's nearly midnight, and he's still not coming to bed, I can safely add whining about being sleepy to his list tomorrow.

Here I bid you farewell, as I have to go take the garbage and recycling out because SOMEONE is too sick to help.
So, after getting past my anger at the school system, I made some phone calls. My girl has an appt on April 2nd for testing for dyslexia, instead of discussing whether she's behind enough for help. Looking at homeschooling her for a while. Play some catch up. Drop my classes. The thought of doing it pains me, but I made the choice to be a mom, and that comes first.
We're fortunate enough that me having an income isn't necessary. May as well put that to good use.
I feel really strongly that my girl will benefit from one on one. Her brother will still go to preschool when it's time, but no reason to rush him into child care. They say kids do better the longer their home with their moms. Well see if thats true.

My mom was up visiting today. We always enjoy the company, but she seems to be mostly baby sitter extraordinaire while here so I can play catch up. Between preparing meals, homework, kids, and errands, something slips..usually housework(Hello! Sink dirty bathroom!) and my homework slides more than it should. But, there is only so many hours in a day and I do the best I can.

My dad had open heart surgery. They originally were going to replace his aortic valve and a double bypass. Instead he got his aortic valve replace, the aortic arch, and triple bypass. He's a little sore, but doing well. Apparently my grandparents are all up in arms that we didn't call dad in the hospital, but really? After surgery like that, you're either too drugged to keep focus or remember who called, or you're sleeping. I knew we'd talk to him when he left the hospital. I enjoy the time in the hospital, I find relaxing to be honest. Someone cares for you and all you have to do is tell the nurses to bugger off and shuffle to the restroom(assuming it's permitted). Although I think my dad got better drugs than I did for mine surgery. He was seeing orange parashutes, people who had firecrackers coming off their bodies(sounds like aura's huh?) that weren't there but he could talk to, and he could see with his eyes closed. Sounds like a trip!

I'm finally tired so I'm going to head to bed.
Learned a new fact about my girl that even I didn't know. Lori likes scary movies. She is watching a 'horror themed' episode of my favorite show, which is normally funny. And she can't stop watching. She's covering her eyes with her socks(don't ask me) but still is watching out the side. What a crack up. And while it's 3:45pm, I'm going to guess that she will I still be reassuring her tonight.

In other news, the school determined that because Lori is making 'some' progress and her reversals are less than the beginning of the year that she doesn't need any extra assistance. I'm sure that her not even hitting the 'expected' level for mid year doesn't matter because Hey, it's progress, even if it isn't much. And us working consistently and exhaustively hasn't helped her identify and be more aware of her reversals. So she's not going to be receiving any help from the school. So I'm faced with the choice of giving up my schooling and homeschooling her so she gets the level of teaching she needs or letting the school continue doing nothing and hope she keeps up...

Oh, and proof of her dyslexia in my opinion? She can look at a word, like Cold and she'll look at it then spell it 'clod' over and over. EVEN HER TEACHER mentioned this habit while explaining why she was found to not have dyslexia and needed no help. *sigh*
Since this last weekend, we've been putting David in shorts with no underpants in hopes he would use the potty. And he did! Well he had one accident but that was because he was playing with his sister and cousin and delayed going pee too long. But even in his pullup tonight, he told me he had to go pee! So we ran to the bathroom and he suddenly stops short and refuses to go in the stall. Well I drag him in there while he's screaming "I no pee" and pull down his pants, and he's peeing all over the floor...geez! So I pinch his penis and shift him to the potty. Thankfully he didn't get his pants, just the floor. I was at a loss as to how to clean it up, so I told the staff there was a puddle when we went in there and they should get it cleaned up... Maybe that makes me horrible. So one more hurdle cleared! Now we strive for consistency!!
We thought maybe the loose fitting shorts were helping and went to the store to get him boxers, but they don't make boxers in his size. They start at 4T, and he is still a 12mo waist but 4T length.. Wish he'd put on a little weight.

Anyway so a good day over all. Tomorrow will be filled with stress as my father is having open heart surgery. Aortic valve replacement and a double bypass. Hopefully I'll hear from someone by early afternoon. Cross your fingers for us.
I had a nightmare last night and I can't shake it off. We've all had those right? Mine wasn't about a dead relative or anything. It was about a good day that went very bad.

I dreamt I was at like a fair or something with my best friends Holly and Emily. Their mother was waiting in the car for us, for whatever reason. We had just finished picking up some treats from the bakery and some Dr.Pepper and were leaving. As we head across this large lawn towards the parking lot, this robot firecracker gets set off. It's HUGE like, bigger than life size metal robot firecracker. At first we're thinking it looks pretty cool flying around...then it starts to ball up and spin like some firecrackers do before exploding, and it occurs to me that if it explodes, that's going to be a lot of shrapnel. But it doesn't explode, instead it just shifts directions and flies into a building, which knocks it over into another building, and a piece fall off the robot. We start to run towards the buildings to try and save who we can because it was a dorm for OSU, but I realize that since it's been flying in a U pattern, it'll be back, so I stop us and we run back to the open field. We watch as it hits another building sending it toppling over knocking off another piece of it. Eventually it's just its rocket booster things from it's feet that are left, and it's knocked all these buildings over, and it changes course out of that area. We run to the car to tell Mary Lou what has happened and to call our signifigant others who have the kids and are far away(like out of town). We can't get through to our s.o.'s or kids, so we get in the car. We're telling Mary Lou what happened and she's being kind of 'who cares' about it almost like she doesn't believe it really happened. And as we get in the car, the rocket boosters hit another building, and knock it down. We head out of town across a bridge, and all these people start running the other way. I tell Mary Lou we need to turn around or speed up, but she doesn't listen and I see all the cracks in the bridge, she finally reverses but it's too late and we fall from the bridge. As we fall toward the water, I think there's one rocket booster left and yell at everyone in the car to wait until the we know nothing will fall on us to get out into the river.

I woke up just before we hit the water. And now I can't shake the dream. It's silly. A huge robot firecracker?? But I can't shake it. I hate dreams like that.

Also, it snowed last night.
Today was just one of those days. I woke up this morning to a sippy cup being banged against my face and "mama juice, mama juice, mama wake up, juice" so I tried hiding my face for a while, but he was mighty persistent. So I got up, put on yesterdays clothes and went down stairs to get him some juice that, might I add, he didn't drink, but set aside.
So, quashing my desire to hang him by his toes, I set out to make lunch for my daughter, and Edwin. I pulled out bread, but it was moldy. How does that happen from one day to the next?? Thankfully I had another loaf that I had just bought. I made the sandwiches and took my daughter to school.
I got home and David still wasn't dressed. But Edwin had time to watch TV. *sigh* Got the little man dressed and headed out to take Edwin to work. David fussed and complained the whole way. About various things, nothing major, just the sun was in his eyes and he dropped his car for the eleventy millionth time and I refused to get it, just stuff. It's nothing major, just when you're already having a rough morning, it grates.
So we get home, I turn on Go Diego, Go! and went upstairs to start cleaning house. I got a lot accomplished and was feeling much better. I headed downstairs to check on David again and spend some time playing with him now that I wouldn't be short with him. I head downstairs and he's watching the end of Diego but he had found a styrofoam cup to take apart while I was cleaning upstairs. So we picked that up and played trains.
After that it was pretty smooth sailing for the day, and I loved that. Sometimes, a morning that isn't great can color your whole day. I was glad to shake off my morning.

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Lee. His is Gabriel. Why yes, he is from a catholic family and latino, why do you ask?

How long have you been together?
4 years

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We've known each other since 1996, my freshman year of high school. He was a jock, in choir, and a computer geek. He was also dating my friend.

Who asked whom out?
Well, I guess technically, he asked me, but when I said I couldn't do it the day he suggested, he lost his nerve and hung up. I had to call him back and suggest a different night when I wasn't going out of town.

How old are each of you?
I'm 26 and he's 28.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Edwin is the oldest of 4 and I'm the oldest of 2, and my brother lives farther away than his siblings, so we see them more.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Raising kids, I think. It's really difficult to make a blended family. We both had 4 year olds when we got together, that's a lot to bring together. Oddly enough, we're on the same playing field with the one we have together. Something else we struggle with is my crazy. Sometimes it isn't as contained as I would maybe like.

Did you go to the same school?
We attended the same high school, but different colleges

Are you from the same home town?
No, he's from Mayaquez and Agaudilla(sp?) Puerto Rico, and I'm from Pell City, Alabama.

Who is smarter?
Edwin is smarter in many ways, but I have the corner on common sense.

Who is the most sensitive?
Depends on the scenario and subject.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We keep it eclectic.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Who has the craziest exes?
None of my ex's are crazy, but his ex leaves a lot to be prozac

Who has the worst temper?
Again, it just depends. I think I get mad more easily, but he gets REALLY mad about stupid stuff

Who does the cooking?
Me, but I take much criticism from the man who can make hamburger helper as his primary entree

Who is the neat-freak?
Um, yes and no, I don't mind clutter, but there if there is a set home for something you best not put it else where. Lets put it this way. When telling me he had unloaded the dishwasher, he said "I signed my death warrant today"

Who is more stubborn?
I am stubborn in a way you only seem to find in the south, and he's stubborn in that 'I'm always right' kind of way.

Who hogs the bed?
Me, I hog the bed and the covers. Even when we had a Califonia King size bed, I hogged the bed. I think I migrate to snuggle, and he just has to learn to get up, walk around the end of the bed and lay on what was previously my side.

Who wakes up earlier?
In general I'd say we wake up together, but if theres a time one gets up before the other, it's me. Someone has to prevent the kids from killing themselves.

Where was your first date?
We tried going out for coffee, but because it's a stupid small town, they were all closed so we ended up walking around for hours talking.

Who is more jealous?
Me, by a long shot.

How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long, we kind of lept head first in. I knew very quickly he was it.

Who eats more?
Him. A lot more. He's a bottomless pit who just wanders around sucking up food.

Who does the laundry?
Me in general mostly because someone can't do the settings right. And never sets the dryer for long enough causing things to be damp and get that nasty smell and need to be rewashed.

Who's better with the computer?
Edwin. He nearly dies when he knows stuff I've done or haven't done.

Who drives when you are together?
Edwin mostly. It's his "job". Not to mention that if he isn't driving he has to take care of the kids or distribute fast food on trips, something he evidently is not equipped to do. Who knew you needed boobs for that?! Unfortunately, he's recently become a big fan of driving super slow and all over the place. His driving once drove me so insane that in my head I decided he was just too retarded to live. His inability to merge was what set me off.