I've spent the last week exhausted. I've been getting 8 hours of sleep at night, so not sure what the deal is. Perhaps iron deficient? More exercise? Who knows?

Yesterday was Lori's first day of school. She's been in school since she was 3, and I still almost cried when I took her to her 2nd grade class.

She was excited to go but scared. She has to make all new friends which is always scary. But she's a sweet child, so I have faith she'll make friends.

She got a new bike to ride to school too, but first she has to gain confidence. Right now, despite knowing how to ride, she wobbles all over and I had to put training wheels on it again. As soon as she's gotten stable I'll buy her a lock and she can start riding her bike to school(with me of course).

She had to walk ahead of me home from school so she could walk with her friend who lives next to us. She's acting so grown up. She talked me into her first training bra when we were clothes shopping.. A training bra! At 7! But, it fits. I've noticed she's showing the first signs of her body maturing, I'm not ready.

What is it with men?? When I told Edwin Lori got a training bra, he said 'What is she training?' I remember my grandfather saying something similar when I got my first one. At least Edwin didn't say it in front of her. I think men just don't get what a big milestone that feels like to us. Or at least to me as a girl, and apparently my daughter too.

Now that she's going, my son wants to go to school. We told him he had to go peepee in the potty before he could go. We'll see how that works out. I'm going to start looking into day cares for him to go to. Hopefully this will encourage him to try. He has the know how and can feel his body well enough to know he has to go, he just refuses to do it in the potty. *sigh* boys are harder than I thought.

Here's his birth story. Two years ago, I brought this lovely child into this world. *sigh* Where does the time go?

David's Story
Boxes stacked everywhere
So little time
Stress grips my body
Leaving it tense

7 days from today
We move to a 'better' home
Closer to friends and family

But still hate moving
hate boxes
hate feeling like you never have enough packed

Three kids here this summer
with boxes and no cable
perhaps I should go back to bed.
After reading Ree's story about her concert I was reminded of my own.

It was for my birthday back in 2005. Edwin took me to Green Day.

Here's the original entry from my old blog.

Oh my god! So yesterday Edwin took me to a Green Day concert. I had so much fun! I can't even describe it! It was freaking awesome!!! Then we got to the car and Edwin had the car key in his wallet and it had broken! It had a crack in it, and I warned him it would break so now I got a fun "I told you so" moment.

Anyway so we're trying to decide what to do his key is in two pieces. Thankfully it didn't break in a lock. So we call his Dad cause Edwin didn't think trying to get a new key cut was feasible, despite my assuring him they could. So we decide to take the Max(Portland transit) to the airport.. Except the last one left like two minutes before we got there. So we take one to Gateway as per this bike cops suggestion to cut down on the cab fare.
Then we get a cab driver who can't find his way out of a paper bag but we make it to the airport.. Yes! We'll rent a car and tomorrow when he drops off the car he'll bring the spare key he has somewhere in his house and retrieve his car. But the rental places won't rent to him for various reasons.. Like Hertz didn't like his credit card. The computer wouldn't run it. The only other rental place open wouldn't because he doesn't have a land line phone, only his cell. So... We get advice to call a lock smith.. (Hmm that sounds familiar) So now it's after midnight and the concert ended at like 10:05. So we call one and the guy thinks it's a prank call.

SIDESTORY: The yellow page add I called first had a ad statement that said "We can make a key without a key' Which was basically what we needed. So I call the next guy after receiving no answer from that number and when the guy answers I ask "Can you make a key without a key?" apparently this isn't a good opening line because the guy hangs up on me muttering about prank calls.. Then he blocks the number.. *sigh* I wasn't in charge of the phone anymore... We all had a good laugh though.
So we finally find one but we have to get back across town so he says call me when you get there.. So we get another cab..(poor Edwin's bank account) and when we get back we can't get a hold of the guy.. He just doesn't answer. So we're sitting on the steps of the parking garage trying to reach the guy when security shows up! This guy stands with his hand on the front of his belt and rocks on his heel and is fat and mean and one of those "I wanted to be a cop but they wouldn't let me so now I think I'm bad ass in my security job.. Yeah you're a tool at like 1am. So he refuses to call our guy and says "We only deal with Pop-n-Lock thats who we'll call." At this point we just want to go home. We are tired and hungry. So he calls and is like well I'll check back so don't do anything.. Like we somehow have caused this or are trouble makers waiting to burn down a CONCRETE PARKING STRUCTURE. So the Pop-n-Lock guy comes and says "I can get you in the car but I can't get you a key." He asks why we called him since he doesn't do keys. So we tell him our whole story to this point the security guard. Now it's 2am, so he gets the yellow pages and tells us who he's heard good things about so we call. The guy we call can be there in an hour. So Mr. Pop-n-Lock jimmies the door so we can get our sweaters and have a warmer place to sit than outside. He spent like 45 minutes with us and doesn't charge anything for any of his services.. He's going to heaven.
So the guy comes and cuts they key within like 15-20 minutes. And charges $175 for the key and work. This leads me to believe I'm in the wrong damn field! (Jessica the locksmith..)

Finally at 3:30 were on our way and exhausted.. I nap and then we get food since we haven't eaten since like 1 that afternoon. Then Edwin is falling asleep at the wheel.
I'm better, I ate and napped so I'm feeling alert. It took me quite a while to get him to let me drive. Cause somehow to let the woman drive is weakness?? It's much better to crash! *men*

I offered to drive in Woodburn and he didn't pull over till after Enchanted Forest. I kept having to talk to him so he wouldn't fall asleep. He finally pulled over, so I drove into town and dropped everyone off and was singing loudly to try to stay awake.

Then we get home and I'm thinking Shannon(our sitter) will just stay till morning since it's 5am and we haven't' slept in nearly 24 hours. But she needed to go home. I flat out couldn't do it so Edwin who had been napping took her home. I went to bed and I was so dead I didn't hear him come in or turn off the lamp I left on in the room for him or anything I didn't even know he was home until I woke up this morning.

That was my first concert experience. I hope the next one I attend will have a little less drama.
Edwin got a letter about his 10 year class reunion. 10 years.. Where did the time go? What have we accomplished in 10 years? Seems like not a lot, but really, he has a degree and successful career, 3 wonderful children, and we're happy. That's a lot to accomplish. Many people live their whole lives without achieving that. Especially the happiness part.

So we'll go and have a good time. We're excited, mostly. My only concern, how do you lose 50 lbs in a month??
So Edwin had an interview on Friday for a job in Hillsboro. It was our weekend to go to Oregon anyway so we all went down a day early. Since his interview was expected to take 4 hours, I took the kids to the Portland Children's Museum to play. Well, about an hour and a half in, Lori went to a place where only kids older than 6 can be, and I took David to the art section to color and play with clay. While sitting in a wonderful child size chair that he could get easily in and out of, he reached for a crayon, became unbalanced and fell out of his chair. He hit the table on his way down. I figured he was ok, just a little hurt, because my son falls ALL THE TIME. Then I saw the blood. And the huge gash under his lip. So I scoop him up and run to get papertowels to help stem the bleeding. I give the required incident information for their form and get directions to the nearest hospital.

When we get in the car, he's done crying and doesn't seem to notice his lip. So as I drive toward the hospital I debate what to do. He's fallen asleep(it was past his nap time) and so I park, get out, and go back to take a good look at his injury, since he's sleeping and not yelling at me.

It's pretty deep and continues to kind of weep. So I decide I can't leave a message on Edwin's phone telling him I'm at the hospital, that would freak him out. So I make the very hard decision to go and get him paged out of the interview.

The company was SO understanding about it and were offering rides, directions, ect so we can get him taken care of.

We take him to an urgent care that is nearby and they suggest we take him to a hospital that is supposed to have an excellent children's emergency room.

After a total ordeal that I'll discuss later with the staff, we emerged with a stitched up baby.

It looks small now that it's all stitched up, but it looked HUGE and TERRIFYING when it happened. Maybe it was just because my baby was hurt.

So he got stitches, and his sister got freaked. She felt so bad for him. She was crying for him.
But all in all it wasn't too bad. They have to stay in 5 days, so can come out tomorrow. Poor baby boy. But it was bound to happen because it's part of who he is.

Also, he chipped another tooth in this ordeal. He had previously chipped a top front tooth after falling while playing with his sister a while ago. This time he appears to have chipped a bottom tooth. Small chips, but boy by the time he's done, he'll look like a hockey player!
So we went to the store on Sunday and I convienced Edwin to let me get potty training stuff. David is almost two, time to get him thinking about it.

So we got the Pull-Ups that turn cool when you pee. The hope being he'll feel it, stop peeing and let us know. We'll see how it goes. Better than the ones that just are like a diaper.

We already had the potty chair. He hates it because it has a squishy seat. It's supposed to make it more pleasant, but he doesn't agree. Not sure what I'll do about that.

And we got him underwear. Little boy underpants. He got to choose, and he oddly enough chose Seaseme Street. He's never seen the show, but he liked the way these looked.

Now is when I mention that Edwin HATES like HATES Elmo. So Dad was THRILLED that Dave chose these.

I told Edwin "Look at the bright side. At least they don't sing!"

If looks could kill I'd be dead.

Hopefully now that we have the 'tools' we'll be able to get him on the potty road. Edwin is doubtful, but I'm hopeful.

I'll keep you updated.
So, we've all seen the cartoon babies who try and flush all manner of things down the toilet. I thought it was a myth. Something funny.

Today, my son stuck our cordless phone in the toilet. He said "Flush!" Needless to say, our phone appears dead.

Who knew it was a real stage?? Probably everyone but me. *sigh*
I've discovered something fantastic about my son. I mean WONDERFUL, love him more for it, type fantastic.

He loves to vacuum.

He takes the attachment hose and just goes to town. He now cleans up his own messes. Sometimes I think he makes them now, just to clean it up!

See?? This warms my heart. Now, how long until he can do dishes?

Last week I was looking out on my patio and noticed something seemed wrong. You know, you look at something and you can't put your finger on it, but it's just off somehow?
That's what it was. So I've been looking out everyday trying trying trying to figure out what was wrong.

I finally figured out what it was. My little garden gnome, the only one that survived my daughter being 3, was gone. He was a lounging gnome with cheery red cheeks and an orange pointy cap. Not like the travelosity gnome, but cute, and small. Perfect for my little apartment patio, and someone has taken it! I suspect its one of the neighbor kids, we have some...challenged.. ones. Parents not so great kind of challenged. Anyway.. My gnome is gone. It wasn't expensive, it's just, it was my gnome. It lasted through moves and a toddler thinking they're toys(there were three) and he was perfect on my patio. I'm a little sad. Even looked in the bushes near the house in case he just got knocked off.. but he's gone.

Ok, that's my little "poor little gnome" thing.
aren't I pretty?
Needs his hair "done" just like his sisters
The flowers outside our back door
A close up.. I never stop being amazed at all the bright and vibrant colors nature makes.
My favorite toes!
Take the lid off, put the lid on..
Ice can be so tempting to a 20 month old.
Look Mom, my nose!
Boogie down with my bad self.
On tip toe to see over the seat
What are you doing mom?
Look at that..
So I don't know where else to turn, so internet, my friend, tag, you're it.

Edwin and I have been together for only 3 years and those years have been turbulent. We spent a year apart working on our relationship. But, lets start at the beginning.

Edwin and I went to high school together, where he dated a friend of mine. While their relationship was on again off again they got pregnant. He was in college, and she had just graduated high school. He begged her to abort because it wasn't a good time. She decided she wanted to be a mom and decided to continue the pregnancy. It wasn't what he wanted but he accepted it and was supportive. Shortly after his daughter was born, the mom kicked him out and ended the relationship once and for all. He was still very in love with her.

Fast forward 4 years and a mutual friend of he and I's sets us up. We go on a date and I fall for him in a major way. At that time I had a nearly 4 year old daughter(our daughters are 4 months apart) and was hesitant to start a relationship. But, after spending time together I introduced him to my daughter and we started getting more serious.

A few months into our relationship, my mother, who I lived with while attending college, announced she was moving to Alaska. I looked for my own place, but without a job or savings, I couldn't afford a place. So, Edwin invited me to move in with him. I took him up on the offer with the intention of it being temporary. But, a few days after signing the year long lease, he said he wanted to separate, that he thought he was still in love with his ex. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I was hearing wedding bells and seeing happily ever after. I just 'knew' he was 'the one'.

I was hopeful that I could wait him out, but still I applied at the local community college to continue my degree and filled out applications for assistance through the state and low income housing so I could move out.

While living together we were still intimate from time to time, and during one of those times, I conceived. We talked about what to do. He wanted me to get an abortion. I agreed. I made the necessary appointments and went in. I was early enough along that I could do a non-invasive abortion. My doctor required I wait a certain amount of time, though I don't recall how long. It was right after christmas I went in. I was going to take the tablet and it would abort the fetus. My doctor came in and I just couldn't do it. I was in tears and discussed what to do next with her. She was very understanding. Unfortunately, Edwin was not. He was furious that I didn't do it.

After a while of not talking, we started discussing the future and plans. At this point, I had been so stressed out and freaked out and crazy that I had flunked my first term at the new college. I opted to drop out.

So now I have a 4 year old, I'm pregnant, a college drop out, and living with a man that seems to hate me. Life was difficult.

I decide to do training to be a CNA so that I can get a job with a decent income. Midway through my training, Edwin announces he's received and accepted a job in Seattle, which is five hours away from where we live. Our lease isn't up, I have no income, and he gives notice and pays the early termination fees. So I have 30 days to find my own place. Thankfully, I received a call from low income housing and they have an apartment open. I move from 'our' place to 'my' place with only a day to spare before the lease was up. At that point Edwin had been gone for a month. I had been sleeping on an air mattress.

We move just before my daughters 5th birthday in July, I was 8 months pregnant. We move in and it's ok. I get things kind of set up, Edwin visits every two weeks when he comes down to see his daughter. Things slowly get better between us. We have lots of long conversations and come to agreements about parenting and how we would treat one another.

August comes and I give birth to a healthy baby boy. Edwin comes down for the birth and chooses to miss a couple days of work to stay with us. He and I bond over that time and I fall back in love with him(I had given up on "us").

He continues to come down every two weeks and visits. We get closer. We decide that when his lease is up, he'll get a bigger place in Seattle and the kids and I will move up to be with him. We want to try again and try and make it work.

We move up June of 2007 and start living together. Things so far have been going ok. I went on Prozac for some depression and mood issues. It helped our relationship some because we didn't argue as much.

However recently he's started treating my daughter in ways that I don't like. I don't want her to have a messed up self image because of him.

He has previously refused to do parenting classes or family therapy. I know if I issue an ultimatum he'll be angry, but I believe I need to do what's best for my children. If we don't protect them, who will?

I'm having a really hard time right now. I wish there was an easy answer in life. But every choice has it's price.
The tulips I bought at the fruit stand.
A pretty bush in someones yard along the highway.
The lake near my house
The sailboats in the lake near my house. This defines jealousy.
Because I find wild flowers that grow in yards pretty.
My daughter Lori, is spending this week with her father and grandmother. Here are pictures sent to me. Looks like she's doing fine without me.

I looked out the patio door today and this is what I saw. Evidently Mother Nature has been smoking a little too much hash and forgot it was nearly April. So, while it's pretty, I'm mad about it.
I was so looking forward to spring. Not to mention Lori has her first softball game tomorrow very early in the morning. This should make things interesting to say the very least.

So, today, Mother Nature, I a say kiss my booty.
Wordless Wednesday

David's pregnancy was an easy pregnancy after my first one! Little morning sickness. It was confined to the morning! And it went away before birth!

He rode LOW in my pelvis the whole time. I'd get up and my tailbone would pop. The doctors will tell you that can't happen, but I swear that's what happened.

Because his Dad was working in another state and was 5 hours away and no vacation time we decided to schedule his induction. My OB took some convincing, but since we had a reason she gave in and set a date. In some ways it was easier because when it was overwhelming I could go "We only have to go till August 4th!" And at the same time, when it was overwhelming I went, "August 4th is FOREVER away!!" Cause I was pregnant and a touch dramatic.

Everything was set. It was marked on the calender. AUGUST 4TH BABY DAY all in caps just like that.
And on August 3rd, Edwin was coming down and I was anxiously waiting for him so we could sleep a few hours and then go to the hospital and get the show on the road. The hospital called while I was waiting. Turns out, everyone and their sister went into natural labor and we got bumped. I was told maybe the 6th. That didn't work at all. He would be going back to his job on the 6th. He would have to leave mid-labor. There were tears. I was mad. How unfair could the world be??

So Edwin gets there and I explain what happened. We agree we'll figure out what to do about it tomorrow and go to bed.

I woke up at 2am and had to pee like crazy. I roll out of bed, stand up, and woosh, pee all over my feet. I run to the bathroom and finish peeing in the potty. Rinse myself off, change, go to bed. Edwin asks if anything is wrong, I am too embarassed to say what happened and just tell him it was a normal potty break.

The next morning I'm crampy but chalk it up to having been intimate with Edwin the night before. It's a beautiful day so we sit outside and watch the kids play. I'm sitting still as can be when the baby moves and I pee my pants again. I go inside, change, and say nothing about it to Edwin. Since there's no baby that day Edwin decides to go to a movie with his Dad, and I go to have lunch with a girlfriend. We decide to walk to the restaurant. It feels like walk walk pee my pants. I'm embarrassed but had a pad on so was set. We eat, "m uncomfortable. My friend, who was also my labor coach with my daughter, suggests I go home and rest and call my doc.

I call at 3pm because I'm thinking maybe the cramps are early labor. I speak with the nurse and complain about peeing my pants. I'm told the doctor will call me. I have her paged at 5:20pm and she calls back finally. She doesn't think it's anything but come in and we'll check you. She does the slide test and there are "ferns ferns everywhere" and she goes to check for dilation and effacement and as soon as she touches my cervix, the rest of my water break and is nice enough to not get her soaked.

We discuss my contractions, or lack there of, and the estimated time since my water broke. We figure it could have been 2 am or 10am either way, the baby needs to get out because the infection risk is high. So I call Edwin and inform him what's going on. He and his father have just bought the tickets and are headed to the theater. I told him to go watch the movie, they haven't even started an IV, found a room for me, let alone start the pitocin. He says call if it gets going and I need him. I call my best friend and she and her sister come. Her sister takes Lori home with her and my best friend/old labor coach stays with me until Edwin arrives. The nurse comes in to go over information and start my IV. We get things going and she starts my pitocin. Immediately my labor is intense. There is no easing into it. About 15 minutes in, I have to pee. The nurse arranges my lines so I can use the bathroom. As I start to sit up David crashes down into my left hip which hurts like crazy and a contraction starts, harder and longer than the one before it.
The nurse says "don't worry, just get up, it's just gravity helping along" and is trying to pull me upright mid-contraction. If I had the ability at the time, I'd have killed her. My friend is calling Edwin telling him things are going fast and head over now.

I get back in bed and ask if I can lay on my side. Nurse says sure, I roll over and I can't close my legs. There is something between them. I can't close my legs. I want an epidural. In fact that sentence is my chant while laboring. My doctor comes in and explains I can't have one, there isn't time. She rubs my leg while I chant, my friend holds my hand and silently curses Edwin for not being here yet.

I tell the doctor I have to push, she checks me and I have a "lip of cervix" left. She has me bear down to see if it'll move, and I moan how good it feels to push. She encourages it and helps manually push the lip of cervix out of the way. My doctor jokes "where is Edwin? I thought that was why it was planned, so he could be here" A few pushes and I have a son. I'm crying, my doctor is delaying cutting the cord so maybe Edwin will show up, and in through the door he bursts. At this point it had been explained to my doctor that he was at a movie. First sentence out of my doctors mouth to Edwin? "Was it a good movie?"

He looks embarrassed, says "she said I could stay. she said I had time" and cuts the cord.

I take my son to nurse him and am so incredibly happy. He was 8lbs 4oz 21in and born August 4th. (We still crack up he was 8 4 on 8/4) I told my OB he heard August 4th, he already had it written in and he'd be darn if he was going to change his plans because the hospital couldn't induce that day. He self induced!

The next day I'm sitting up, dressed in clothes, alert and eating like a horse. My doctor says she's never seen someone bounce back from labor so fast.

He had a lump on his head from hitting my pelvis and I have a bruised tailbone because he was big.

My doctors parting advice is next time I have a baby, I should live in the hospital for the 9th month. 8 hours from first contraction to baby with my first, 1 1/2 hours with my second, the third will likely be in a bobsled!

Two birth stories. Two completely different experiences. Two beautiful children

As for my best friend/labor coach for both births? She swears if I get pregnant again, she's taking her niece and spending a year in Guam.

So today is the day when we share all the way our children entered our lives. Since I have two children I decided to do two entries. This one will be all about my oldest child, Lori, who is now 6 1/2.

After nine months of vomiting every time anything came near my mouth and being on bed rest for 4 months due to elevated blood pressure July 10th came.

The night before I had been on the couch watching tv as normal and at around 9 pm I suddenly became exhausted. Ordinarily after a whole day of doing nothing, I had problems sleeping. But that night, I was ready for bed. I could barely keep my eyes open. So I went to bed. I slept until around 9:30 the next morning and when I got up to go use the bathroom, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen that didn't feel like my normal braxton-hicks contractions. I figured I needed to drink something and went downstairs to get some. Still more contractions. So I called my best friend and birth coach and told her "don't make plans, I think I may be in labor" She found out if I needed her to come get me now and after talking decided we'd wait until my scheduled OB appt. for 3:30 that afternoon.

By the time of my appt. my contractions are pretty regular. I go in and they take my blood pressure and have me lay down. My doctor comes in and asks if I'm stressed or anything, I say "No but I think I'm in labor" she said "oh, well why don't we check you" she sounded very doubting.

Well she checked and I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced so I was sent to the hospital, which was conveniently next door. I was admitted and taken upstairs to the labor area. I was strapped in and was told my the nurse I was admitted not for my labor, but because my blood pressure was at seizure level. Not a good thing.

I lay very still while my body contracts. No walking around, no using a ball, nothing. Lay there and deal. Then the doctor on call here after referred to as Dr. Numskull. He came in and informed me, not asked, informed me he would be breaking my water because I wasn't laboring fast enough. He broke my water and my pain went from ow, to owholyhelllthebaby'scuttingit'swayout. The nurse was very helpful and helped me remember how to breathe and gave me something to take the edge off. She said I needed to stay as calm and relaxed as possible so I wouldn't have to have the Magnisum Sulfate during labor, because it can cause respiratory distress in the baby. It was enough to keep me focused on things other than labor pains, because really? Do you know you can feel the back of your head on the inside? It's very trippy. And something good to think about instead of your uterus trying to self destruct.

So after he breaks my water Dr. Numskull says he has a meeting, he'll be back to check on me in a couple hours, don't worry you're a first time mom it'll take a while.
The whole time I'm telling him not to leave. But he does. And about 15-20 minutes later, I inform the nurse I have to push. She says "oh I'm sure it's just some pressure, you don't need to push yet" Well turns out, I was 9 1/2 inches, so I was pretty ready to push. I wait a few more minutes to finish dilating and start pushing. One push, everyone scramble to get ready for baby. Two pushs, still no doctor. Three pushes, nurse catches the head basically by luck alone, as she had turned to grab a blanket and saw her head was nearly all the way out. Then Dr. Numskull rushes in, grabs gloves, and comes over. Everyone is telling me not to push, my body is pushing against my will. Dr. Numskull turns her shoulders and poof there's a baby girl. He places her on my stomach haphazardly. She starts to slip off my stomach so the nurse at my side picks her up a 1/4 inch and moves her to center on my stomach. My daughter kicks and the umbilical cord is wrapped around her foot and it breaks. Blood goes EVERYWHERE! The nurse is trying to grab the baby's umbilical cord the doctor is screaming "Clamp it Clamp it" and all around panicking. She clamps and Dr. Numskull starts screaming at her "You never pull the baby you stupid fucking bitch, you never pull the baby!" This in front of her peers, my mother, myself, my best friend. They take Lori to see if she's ok and clean her up.

Dr. Numskull informs me I've torn and will need stitches. He proceeds despite me telling him repeatedly that I am not numbed by the shot he gave and basically sweat it out until he's done . That hurt more than labor.

Then they brought this tiny little 6lb 14oz 20in long person who looked completely bewildered by what had just gone on and she latched right away. I was exhausted and sore and completely detached from this little person.

It took until I was off the blood pressure drugs for me to bond with her and name her.

But now she's my little girl, who wants badly to become a little woman.