A Weekend Adventure

This last weekend we went to Edwin's mothers to visit. My nephew Joey was in town so we let the cousins play together.

My previously tense relationship with my MIL has eased remarkably. We're actually bordering on friends. I don't know what changed but I'm not going to look the gift horse in the mouth.

I was still suffering from a cold this weekend, had a wicked cough. So after not sleeping all Saturday night, I got up and took some Nyquil. When I looked at the clock on my way back to bed I saw it was 6am! Flippin' daylight savings! So I slept and slept and stumbled around drunk, and slept some more. I was out of it ALL day.

The kids had a blast together which was nice. They always enjoy one another's company. They ran around and made the house sound like it was full of elephants so I'm sure MIL and her dog were glad when everyone left.

Lori's been doing her new school for a week and seems to like it so far. She's doing well I think but I'll cop to not fully getting it in the minute details but hope to find the rest out as I go. Still have some tutorials to go through.

The holidays are rapidly approaching and I have no plans in place. Thanksgiving will be just another day. Perhaps we'll get REAL festive and get chinese take out.

Today I heard that there was flood watch and wind advisory for our town. The first thing that struck me? A song. "It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...." Pacific Northwest winter you are a predictable bitch.

Sickness and the broken couch

So today I'm feeling much better, but to put that in perspective yesterday I laid on the couch and made Lori help with David. And of course by "help" I mean do it all. I was one sick puppy. The kids had sandwiches for lunch and dinner because Edwin was at work. Today I'm slowly putting the house back to rights. A single sick day for mom means a destroyed house. Thus far I've caught up on dishes(you wouldn't think there'd be so many since there was no cooking) swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed, and put the slip cover back on our couch after washing it.

Which brings up the second part of this title. When I lifted up the couch to secure the slip cover I saw a HUGE crack down the middle of our front support in our couch. So now we have to try and find a new one. *sigh* Don't know how we'll do that.

See?? One day with Mom off the clock and the whole house falls apart.

So I have to go back to cleaning the house up and child wrangling but thought I'd update since I hadn't in forever.

The rest of the costumes

Done, all done! Thank heavens. Kids look cute, I'm proud of my work. And I'll post pics of the post sugar high tomorrow!

Halloween she is a comin'

Halloween is almost here. Got two of my three costumes done. Here's David's. Need to take photo's of Lori's and started on Michelle's. I never want to sew again. I'm loving the creativity of it but it's exhausting. At least the kids look stinkin' cute!

Back in the saddle

Back on my pills after stopping for a week. Man, that was a rough week. So angry. So, clearly going to have to stay on these forever. That's a hard realization.

In other news, I got to see the cutest little cousin EVER! Wish I had a picture to post(hint hint mom).

So, I'm surfing the web while I SHOULD be sewing. I cleaned the house pretty well the other day so that's less of a concern but Halloween is coming fast and I have 3 costumes to sew! And a table runner. Ugh! I need a tv in my sewing room so I can sew my fingers.. sheesh..

So, to recap: need pills, am procrastinating, cute expanding family, queen of bad ideas.

Of pills and delusions

I've had depression my entire life. I've done therapy for YEARS without getting better. I'm still over anxious, still sure everyone is looking at me and judging me. Everything said is a criticism. But mostly and most difficult to deal with is the sadness..no not sadness, hopelessness. Depression is, for me at least, a vast sea of hopelessness.

Its nothing I can swim through, climb out of. It's all encompassing and drowns me. I'll pull myself out of bed but doing anything beyond the basics is more than I can do. I feed my children but not myself, bathe them but not me. I meet their needs but when I'm down, we'll all watch tv for days. No park, no crafts, play together for a while. Not the mommy I want to be.

So yesterday I started my Prozac again. It the only thing thats ever made me feel more like I imagine normal feels like. No snapping, no yelling, no wallowing in my own filth, no overwhelming fear over everything. Better. Everyone notices. Lori even asked me to go back on my 'more patience pills'.

I had been doing ok without them I thought, but a recent loss of a baby pushed me out on a precarious limb where I didn't feel secure at all. I'm better everyday but this will help.

When I'm in a more stable mood I think of things like working. About having a preschool/child care center in my home. How much I'd love to have all those children around, teaching them how to count and funny songs. I'd love to do that, but I never will. Because I know one day I'll feel better and stop my pills. And I'll snap and yell and fear and become overwhelmed and those children will become acquainted with Disney. It isn't fair to my children so I won't inflict it on anyone elses. Yet I daydream. I mentioned my thoughts of childcare to Edwin. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, perhaps sprouted two heads.

He said some days he thinks I'm going to kill the kids I have. So, I dream and know I can't. That's life. Maybe one day I'll find a passion I can follow.

Ooooo Sssssss Uuuuu

So as all my (1) readers know, Monday is my birthday.

So far I've gotten an offer to babysit(though I may have misunderstood what was said) and a book with gift cards tucked in(Thanks Rodney!).

We'll see if anyone else remembers. My family is famous for being spacey!

So Elizabeth(read Edwin's baby mama) has a chance to get tickets to the OSU game on Saturday afternoon and we would LOVE to go, problem is, it's 2 tickets. So we have to find a sitter if we want to go(hello above offer?). And we have to know tonight, so perhaps this won't work out but I'm keeping fingers crossed.

I would love to be there shouting at the players and the ref's.. Oooooo Ssssss Uuuuuu Oregon State FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. David would love going too, every Saturday he watches with his father "my football. I watch my football."

Yes, my kiddo totally talks in lowercase.