This Mommy's Journey

Apartment living

To conserve money we're considering going back to apt. living. We could save a couple hundred dollars in rent plus save on utilities. We could use that money to pay down our debt and be that much closer to where we want to be. The only pause we have is that we HATE apt. living! I mean....HATE IT.

But, it would be for just a short while. We'll have to downsize some of our stuff, but that needs to be done anyway. It's hard to see a down side when the short term won't be too bad and the long term goals will be met.

Plus, it's less area for me to clean!

My first cake!

I made my first cake from scratch today! I also made macaroni and cheese from scratch! I made fried chicken as well. I think MAYBE the cake will turn out ok. The cheese and chicken left something to be desired. Learning experience I guess. Hoping to do more scratch cooking but good lord it's time consuming and messy.. I'm in denial about my kitchen.

Thankfully today was a better day. Lori seems to have moved past the whining stage. She spent her day doing school work because it's preferable to doing nothing. So she's catching up! and she is not a pain anymore! I hope hope hope hope this continues.

Like a bowl of spagetti that never gets eaten

That's what my 8 year old daughter told me. She was in a snit about her life. It sucks. No one has it worse. She has to DO THINGS before she can go outside to play, she has to do school work every day, she has to do her own laundry, she has to do her punishment for the full amount of time given. AWFUL!!!! She says "My life is just like a bowl of spagetti that never gets eaten!!"

I just don't know what her problem is. I swear, recently she's been so freaking moody that I'd swear she's going to start her period. Drives me crazy. I know that she's just doing what all kids do. You know, your parents are the meanest and eating your vegtables will kill you and doing chores is the worst.

Some days I just want to run away. She says she's convinced I'm going to get mad and strangle her. *DISCLAIMER* I've never hurt her or put my hands on her. I don't know what her deal is. I just know that it makes living with her difficult.

The End

Oh please don't let this be Griswold worthy

We've planned our family vacation for this year. We've got the dates set, the activities planned, and all the last minute crisises that inevitably pop up when things seem perfect.

This year, in April(on Edwin's birthday no less) we're going to Alabama to see my family. Yes, I'm from Alabama. No, I don't speak with an accent. Yes, I wore shoes to school. Any other questions?

All kidding aside, my family there can be ~~difficult~~ ~~annoying~~ interesting. As it is, we're apparently flying into TANTRUM 2010 as my father and his parents aren't seeing eye to eye. Again.

Last time I was there visiting, nearly eight years ago, I ended up being basically asked to leave my grandparents house because of my dad. It was a mess, largely started by my father, that resulted in me getting the brunt of the difficulty.

This time, I'm going prepared. I'll have a back up plan and a no-nonsense attitude. Those of you who know me in real life know that right now, I'm lying to myself.

How is it family is the master at minupulation? They always seem to know exactly what to push to get what they want. That's not to say that I'm guilt free, I've been told I minupulate, mine just isn't concious like other peoples. I don't set out to do it.

Going home to Alabama raises some interesting issues. I love the enviorment and atmosphere and charm of the south, I just don't especially like my immediate family. Well, that's not true, I just don't like SOME of my immediate family. There's always a few who stir things up.

This time we're going down for a week and we'll be going to the AWESOME aquarium in Chattanooga, Tennessee. My father took me there once before and I remember being in awe of it! I know the kids will love it. The plan is then to stay in a local motel for the night, then drive the couple hours to Huntsville, AL for a little something special for Edwin. He dreamed of becoming an astronaut as a child. This will be an awesome exerpience for him as well as the kids. The rest of the time, we'll likely stay visiting family. I'm eager to introduce my husband to my family and show him where I grew up.

I want to show the kids fire ants(notice SHOW not introduce!) and hopefully avoid chiggers. Using mason jars to catch fireflies in the evenings. The things that I fondly recall from childhood. I want them to have a memory of my grandparents and all their awesomness. Because, with kids, they're awesome.

We'll see how things pan out, hopefully drama free as this is our ONLY vacation, but with family, you never know. Just ask Clark Griswold.

Another year without you

Some of us are fortunate enough to know someone who's a genuinely good person. Who doesn't seem to have a selfish bone in his body or ill word for anyone. I knew someone. He was a good man and a gentle soul. It wasn't a mask or pretend, he just was. His name was "Tex". He was over 6 feet tall and skinny, but was a teddy bear none the less.

He was a best friend and would have one day been a great husband and father. He had a softer spot than most for children and animals. When he left school he joined the Army. I know that seems to contradict everything I've said about him, but he did it so he could help people. He told "Jessi, this way I can help all over the world."

While in the Army he met a woman who had a child. He fell madly in love with her. Perhaps just in love with her child. We'll never know.

They married and seemed happy. He was over the moon to have an instant family. He loved her little boy just as if he were his own.

A few months after they got married, Tex came down to visit as he was stationed the next state over. He mentioned that he was having some marital troubles and suspected his new bride might be cheating. We were not surprised because we had not thought them a good match. He had been firm so we had supported him in his happiness. He was concerned about what to do, about how it would effect his new son. We encouraged marriage counseling and perhaps divorce. He said he'd talk with her and think it over.

After that weekend we said our goodbyes and parted ways. The next day we received a phone call asking if Tex was still with us. He'd never arrived home and never reported back from leave. We called hospitals, police, anyone we knew in between our home and his. No one knew where Tex was.
We wrung our hands and searched on our own in known places. Two days later we got a phone call from police. Tex had been found dead by some hikers. He'd driven up to a favorite camping spot and killed himself in his car. His car had been littered with religious brochers, from churches in the area, explaining what happens after death. There had also been a note. To his wife, his friends, and his son. He had felt it was better this way.

The Army held a nice funeral for him and his wife brought her lover to the funeral. She left before it was completely over. Tex's parents were devastated. The loss of their son and the cold distance from his wife during their grief.

When Tex's grandmother stood up to speak of him, she said a life times worth in just a few sentences. Her closing was "I can't believe he's gone. My gentle giant is gone." That line still brings tears to my eyes. It was so him. He was a gentle giant.

Our gentle giant has been gone 8 years today. I miss him just as keenly now as I did then. He's left a hole that will never heal and never be filled.

Sean Michael "Tex" Smith. You lived with honor and kindness. The world should strive to be more like you.

All of us, having fun about 6 months before he died. From right to left we have: Ian, Anthony, me(sitting), Sean(standing), Emily(sitting), Sharron(standing), and Chad. Behind the camera is Holly.

Starving artist

I'm working on a book. I can see the concept in my head. I know exactly how I want it to look and what I want it to say. I made some great starts in the book formatting last night. I had the 'bones' of it put together and when I went to save, the program crashed and hours of work was lost. I was beyond furious.

Thankfully Edwin has been super supportive. He's very behind the idea and thinks it will be great.

The start up cost is prohibitive. We're going to have to be stealthy with the budget to do what I want to do.

I'm so thankful that I've got a supportive family who's willing to bend over backwards to facilitate my dream.